Magic and Surprises

Dear Dad,

            People always say how their wedding day is a blur and when it’s over just how exhausted they are. I gotta tell you that last Saturday did not feel like this for me. If anything, I was terrified that I was going to wake up and this whole relationship with Kim would be like a Dallas cliffhanger. Everything just flowed like a river as the wedding fell into place. It was a perfect day.

            Mary and I got there right around 8am to set up the tables and chairs. My friend Shawn from school also showed up and saved the day with the use of his mini-van. Dave Westbrook was there to play his guitar and recorder with Kim’s brothers. As Mary and I hastily sat out chairs in a chair straight line, I began to notice the sunlight weaving through the branches of the live oaks. It was at that moment when I realized, we have ourselves a perfect Savannah wedding. 

            Guests arrived, cigars were smoked, and mimosas were passed out. Between the many circles of friends who showed up, I am wondering if any of the passing tourists thought us to be respectable Savannah society.

            Jude arrived with Kim’s brothers and he was my best man. We had a quiet moment where I gave him my groom’s gift. I gave Jude my pocket watch. He was impressed and spent the rest of the morning giving out announcements on the time. I promised that if he took care of this one, he’d get Pop’s IBEW retirement watch.

            I wish you had met Jude and his sister, Roni; you would be as wrapped around their fingers as I am. They are amazing kids with so much love to share. I am just as blessed to have them as Kim.

            I got some pictures of Mom, Mary, and Christine with the kids. They turned out well. I was glad that I got a second chance to share something like this with Mom especially with her getting edged out the last time. I still have a lot of guilt over that and felt like Saturday gave me a chance to make up for it.

            Mom was so beautiful. She would have taken your breath away. Mom was dressed in a light summer suit of navy. Her toenails had been painted to match with a metallic blue sheen. It was adorable and added to Mom’s matronly look. She flitted around meeting and greeting everyone in that way has people loving her the moment Mom leaves them.

            Man, I wish you could have seen Mary. She really has come into her own over the past few years. She and Christine make a wonderful pair and you’d be so happy to watch the two interact. They complement each other so well and Mary is so happy. She defiantly is your daughter and I know you’d swell with pride if you could see her now. Mary wasn’t my Best Man this time but she was in charge of wrangling Jude. She had her work cut out for her and did great.

The wedding started and I felt like a roll bar had come down on some roller coaster ride. I was at the back next to Christine when I saw her for the first time in her wedding dress. Up till now, my world had been spinning in several directions. The moment Kim entered the park in her wedding dress, it all slowed down and synched up with her.

            Dad, you told me a few times about your wedding day to Mom and how you thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world at that moment. It was a concept I always gave you the benefit of the doubt but it didn’t make sense.  I get it now. I’ve never been speechless until the moment I saw Kim and realized that smile was meant for me. Wow.

            Kim walked up in this short-but-not-too-short-white dress. It was simple yet Kim made it seem elegant. In her hair, she wore a white flower that made her brown and green eyes sparkle. Kim’s smile made everyone take notice. She was stunning.

            I know how you always hated it when I made my constant pop culture references but I have to get here for a moment to explain how the rest of the wedding felt to me.

            In 1991, Steve Martin wrote and starred in a movie called LA Story. It was about the life and observations as a wacky weatherman lives in the early 90s scene in LA and then he falls in love. He falls for Victoria Tennant (who was his wife at the time) and there is this astonishing scene between the two.

In the scene, the two are walking through a flower garden at night. As they explore, Martin and Tennant are transformed into children. They begin to run and play as they come across flowers, birds, and various garden statues.  It is all set to the tune of Enya. It was the 90’s after all.

In that moment, Martin somehow captures that feeling of the magic of falling in love. It is filled with a grasp of the beauty around you as well as the magic of a simple kiss. I have never seen a better cinematic explanation of what love feels like.

My world stopped the moment Kim entered Forsyth Park that Saturday morning. We were lost in a bubble. It’s funny because no matter what I am doing, my mind is always racing. Yet at that moment, my mind was calm. I felt like the afternoon tide before it switches when the creek is calm, like glass. All that existed was Kim, I, and Sharla who was marrying us. I not only heard Sharla’s words but felt them too. It was the single most powerful and also the most perfect moment in my life.

Kim and I wrote our own vows. In my vows, I talked about all the “firsts” I had with her and how they added up to a second chance to the life I always wanted.  Surprise. Surprise when Kim’s vows mirrored my own. She also talked about second chances. Kim also had a series of promises about items in our lives that we both value. Kim promised to always support my “brilliant ideas” (Her words, not mine) She talked about birthdays, holidays, books and songs yet to come. She promised to always be my partner in crime. Kim wrapped up her vows with a phrase that would sum up all of this to me. Kim promised me a life full of “magic and surprises.”

I already knew this many times over yet somehow I just can’t get tired of being in love with someone who gets “it” about me. You’d love her. It’s a few days later and I am still amazed at how those three little words can sum it all up with my life with Kim and the kids. Magic and surprises.

Sharla pronounced us husband and wife so the kiss was one. The world disappeared again as our lips touched. All I wanted to do was to feel Kim’s lips on my own. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Peter Falk talking those other five perfect kisses.

Dad, I know I would have never met Kim if I wasn’t ready to love and forgive myself. Around the time Kim, Roni, and the Judester came into my life, I had gotten my shit together and was living it like I should have been all along. I was finally at peace enough with myself to allow someone inside the fortress around my heart. (Sorry, Sting but it’s an apt description) I ended up letting three people in and though I am not very religious, I can recognize when a guardian angel has been at work in my life.

My life with Roni, Jude and Kim has changed me. For the first time in my life, my brain doesn’t whirl or spin like it used to I am at peace and content in the life worth living. For the first time in my life I feel like I have the chance to become the man you raised to be.

As I write this letter which you never get to physically read, I realize I do for two reasons:  I wanted to share my story about the dream wedding I had here in Savannah, GA to the girl who makes my toes curl. And I wanted to share it with you because I miss you so damn much and wish I could share all of this magic and surprises with you.

That is it, you know. Since you’ve been gone most of the magic and surprises in my world has been gone. You always did all that for Mom, Mary, and me just Pop did the same for you and Grandma. Pop had Grandma while Mom had you as the love of y’all’s life. Now I have Kim. And the kids. Magic and surprises.

I keep hitting the same notes about how I wish you had been there. But as I proof and retype sections, it hit me. The breeze, the rays of sunlight through the trees, the rerouting of the impending hurricane on the way. You really were there. Everyone always says things like, “Oh he is with you in spirit” and crap like that but you really were there, weren’t you, Old Man?

Thanks. Thank you for giving me the perfect day to make Kim my wife along with Roni and Jude as my children. You sly dog

Retracing My Steps......

            As the big day approaches, we’re into single digits now. It brings me back to habit that I have in regards to figuring out just when my moment changed to put me into the spot where I am at right now.  

            I suppose you could start back in February 2011 when I came across this photo on E-harmony. The minute I saw that smile, I was lost. I distinctly remembering left-clicking the mouse only to think to myself,” She’s out of my league but it let’s give it a shot.” By some miracle, Kim responded and here we are. In two days, we about to become husband and wife.

Isn;t she adorable?

            But, in retrospect, it actually goes back farther than this.

            This is my roommate, Dan. He just moved out and even though I am so excited about my new life with Kim and the kids, I am a little sad to see Dan go. He was the best roommate I’ve ever had and I’ve had some great roommates.

Not only is Dan the most charming individual, I have ever met; he is also one of the kindest. In our three years living as roommates, Dan was an amazing friend.   A few months prior to meeting Kim, Dan set me straight.

            I had dated a few times but without much luck so I just gave up. I was pretty much content with just trying to get my life back after being sick for so long. Translation: I stuck around my bedroom in pajamas while watching reruns of Scrubs. Dan came up to me one evening and talked with me about my current state.

            When you are sick for a long time, it’s easy to get content with just laying around the house all the time and not keeping your social life in motion. Dan pointed out just how well I was doing and it was time to get back into the real world. Basically, I was hiding from the real world. I was.

The effects of kidney disease had made me drop about 6o pounds but that was the only positive after-effect. People used to joke how I walked just like the Big Guy with big meandering strides. That had been replaced by a slow, shuffling limp. My energy levels were also pretty low and the combination forced me to be embarrassed in front of the ladies. Between Dan pushing me and a few others making jokes about my constant wearing of sweats plus an addiction to Tosh 2.0, I realized a change was needed.

            My first few years here, I was always on the move. Between Master’s work and ghost touring, downtown was my place. Yet, here I was sitting on my bed and I couldn’t remember a single name of all the people I used to run around with. I also couldn’t remember the last time I went out on a date.

            Meeting people has never been an issue for me but dating had become a more difficult subject to broach. I had run into the 40s Single Wall, I had heard spoken of in hushed whispers. I had several friends that knew many ladies but...say it with me, folks. Everyone was married or in a relationship or gay.

            I had tried some of those free online dating sites. Well, you get what you pay for. No luck there though I did make a really good friend out of it.

            Part of my problem was the romantic in me kept waiting for someone to drop in my lap and it wasn’t happening. Dan had suggested during our talk to try a paid dating site and I was hesitant.

            A few years before I was married to Satan’s step-daughter, I had tried Match.com with some glorious mistakes. After meeting the coked out, bi-sexual, hair metal keyboardist, I was paired with a dwarf. Yes, I said dwarf.

            We met at a coffee shop somewhere in downtown Atlanta. It was the worst date of my life. Oddly, it had nothing to do with size or appearance. She just was a mean, chain-smoking dwarf. At one point, I even tried to talk about our pets because everyone loves chatting about their dogs, right? Nope. My attempts to foster conversation were met with another lit cigarette under some low muttering about her”goddamned dog.” To say that I was not solid on the idea on online dating would be an understatement.

So I began to consider online dating again (but not Match.com under any certain terms). Then I remembered my old buddy from YHC, Stuart Ivie. Stu is a neat guy and great friend. He went to Young Harris right after me and was very involved in Quantrek and the honor society that the Big Guy was advisor to. Stu had also lost his dad early on so he understood what our family was going through and was right there beside us.

Stuart Ivie, the Original Dirty Jobs Guy

Stuart had also seemed to hit that Single’s Wall I speak of shortly after my divorce. I remembered how Stuart had talked about using E-Harmony for an online dating resource. He was very pleased with it and even found his soon-to-be-wife. Tiffany is great and I can see how the two make a great team. As I type this, I am happy to share that not only they are married but they have a lovely son, John.

It’s funny because looking back; I had no plans on trying to settle down. My plan was got out with several people and get used to the idea of dating again. I figured a few years into this I might find a not crazy girl to date monogamously. Funny how life happens. I met a few very nice people but then I saw Kim's picture and I was done for.  Here I am about to head down the aisle, not just as a groom but also a father. Didn’t see it coming but I love every moment of it.

But where Saturday began goes back even farther. Our upcoming wedding goes back farther the Dan pushing me and Stuart meeting Tiffany. I now realize it goes back to my parents.

Halloween 1987: GI Joe take Punk Rock Jan to Lunch at YHC Dining Hall

No matter how great my sister and I remember Bob and Jan together, I realize it was not a perfect relationship yet I learned so much from both of them. They went through a lot and were able to keep it all together. Mom and Dad always displayed genuine love between them. . I know that I would be in another bad relationship or stuck in my previous one had it not been for the Big Guy and Mom to show me how a relationship is not just about love but also friendship.

As Mary and I grew up in that house that is now a parking lot next to the Young Harris Dining hall, we unconsciously watched our parent interact on a daily basis. How my father could turn from serious to silly in under three seconds at the dinner table has popped up more times that it should at a certain Ms. Wade’s House in Richmond Hill. Over breakfast, my parents could sit at the kitchen table to plan out their weekly work and social obligations/responsibilities with the same precision Hannibal stormed the Alps. They were in-synch with each other.

It was late summer of 1989, Mom, Dad, and I went to Sapelo Island to scout it out as a possible Quantrek destination. They were ahead of me as we walked off the ferry. To this day, I clearly visualize watching them stroll hand-in-hand off the dock only to slide up next to each. At that point, Mom and Dad walked arms around each other with their hands in the other’s back pockets. I t may have been the sweetest thing I have ever seen. I remember saying to myself, “I want that.”

And thanks to listening to the people who are in my life, I got it.

Come out to Forsyth Park at 10 am on Saturday to see for yourself. I’ll be the one with big grin next to the really beautiful girl by the fountain.

Let Me Explain.....

            Every now and then I am reminded about that whole men are from Mars, women Venus thing. My last blog brought kicked that notion back at me. I had thought that I written a sweet exposition about my feelings towards Kim. It would appear tht this did not come across as I intended. From some of the questions I have gotten, it may not have come across like I had thought. Rule of thumb; never write a blog before bedtime.

            It’s important to stress that I am very excited about being married and also very at peace with the notion. I am in no way nervous but rather, having a peaceful anticipatory feeling because I know it’s going to be a fun day. I can tell it’s going to feel odd to refer to Kim as my wife but I look forward to it.  Even though we’ve been together for a while, I think Kim and both maintain a certain level of independence. When I say odd, it’s not a bad odd but rather just not something I have done a lot and will take a few times to get used to. It’s going to be a long time before I could just refer to Kim as my wife in a casual sense but I look forward to it because this will mean we have moved on to the next stage together. It means we have even more history and experiences behind us. Kim is many things to me but most of all, I just love being around her.

I also want to stress that when I said we have problems, it was not meant in a serious way. I merely meant that we have a great relationship but like other couples, we also have the occasional relationship problem. The cool thing about Kim is that when we argue (which isn’t very often) there is usually a good reason unlike my experience with Satan’s step-daughter.

      Originally I was going to make the joke that our main problem is that Kim is too beautiful and I am too unselfish in bed. I refrained from that because I usually avoid joking about us in that manner because I am not sure if that crosses an unspoken line.

            So in summation, everything is completely awesome. I guess I just need to chalk this up to a lesson regarding points of view. And the view is pretty darn good at the moment  

Sold As Is.....

Sorry, life has been busy with the impending nuptials. Two quick bits to share. Both are pretty cool.

1)       My main reason for not writing is that I have gotten my life back from dialysis. I have finally bent over kidney disease and kicked it in the arse. It took me two years but I am finally doing nocturnal dialysis. Fancy way of saying, I do my treatments while I sleep now. Yay for me!

It’s nice getting my afternoons back. I do not have to rush and the treatments are doing a better job than my old ones. I am noticing my energy is up and I am even walking better.

2)      Yesterday I got my contract for next year so I am back at Jenkins for a sixth year. While I was signing my contract I had to also update my personal info. As I looked at the form, I realized it was time to add someone new. I wrote down Kim Wade Richardson. Under relationship, I wrote spouse for the very first time.

Mrs. Blue, the administrative assistant, teased me about being nervous.

That is what so funny. Over the past week, I’ve been getting asked by everyone about pre-wedding jitters. I don’t have them. I feel the same as from the start. Right. It feels right.

Sure, Kim and I have our problems. Yet, our relationship feels very different from anything I have ever had before. I’ve been happy and in love but I have never been at peace.

Kim lets me be myself and doesn’t judge, correct, or change me. I feel the same about her. We are both “Sold As Is” package and I love it. Matter of fact, I believe it’s the fact that we both have some baggage and some flaws that make us appreciate each other so much. We’ve both been through a lot therefore we know what we’ll put up with and not. It sounds silly to say so but that has made a huge difference in how our relationship has grown.

The wedding is fast approaching. I am very excited but this time it’s different than my previous endeavor. I look forward to casually referring to Kim as my spouse and my wife but I am pretty sure it’s going to take a long time before that is a reference I get tired of making.  

Two Really is the Charm......

            Everyone says when it is right, its right and you’ll know it. I’ll counter that bold statement with one of my own. Bullshit.

            When you hope it is right, you can lie to yourself until you actually believe it. Take my previous marriage to Satan’s step daughter. There were a few nice moments but overall it was like cotton candy. The concept looks nice on the outside but absolutely no substance. I spent the day walking around, putting out fires, dealing with upset family members as the newly crowned Mrs. Richardson was chasing the 4 xanexes she had with anything in a glass.

            It did make for some powerful memories like the 15 minute speech she gave, her grandfather yelling at me to take get her out of the reception before the inevitable pass-out. (Think Drunk Spring Break Girl to visualize my blushing Bride to be), and all the reruns of “Sanford and Son I watched of the gentle snores of the newly dubbed Mrs. Richardson.

            Sadly, this is only a 12 hour window of the world I was existing in at this time. You should have seen all of the fun prior to the wedding. How could I not know? Well, I lied to myself and I also drank a fair bit at the time.

            I look back and I fell sorry at myself and also a little bit angry. Why did I put up with this? I guess I thought this is what love is. Oh, I lied to myself. A lot.

            It’s nothing like what I am experiencing with Kim. I do know this right. I also know that I will never secretly regret feeling this way when things turn bad because they aren’t. That is the difference this time. I have faith in this relationship.

            Oh, I had faith in the previous relationship otherwise I would have never gotten married. I also found myself saying to myself,” Oh things will get better a few years down the road when we get past……”and then I’d list some obstacle like my masters or her schooling. We would always be fine in the future then sit back and laugh about the hard times.  

            I do not think like that with Kim. We laugh. A lot.

            During the planning stages of the previous marriage there was much laughter but it was always directed toward how the ex was being a bridezilla or how I was subservient to all her bridal wishes. It was never laughing about wacky events happening or to our guests.

            There is an expression about how every joke hides a nugget of truth somewhere. I guess everyone was seeing the damaged relationship but everyone was looking away just like I was.

            I never got excited about a wedding before like I am now. Kim has made it very easy. We sit down to discuss and we both want pretty much the same things (though she did shoot down my all Stormtrooper color guard idea. I’m working on it) And we laugh. A lot.

            Last night at Fish Tales, we had our weekly date while the kids are at church. The laughing kicked in with frenzy and we needed it. Our lives have been pretty serious lately between her school responsibilities and my whole estranged bit with Mom. Things are working out slowly so Kim and I do what we do best in tense situations. We find the humor and make fun of it.  

            How many weddings own tag lines? We do. “If you have ever wanted to wear flip flops to a wedding this is the one…..” I’ve been threatening to put up a sign saying,” CAUTION. First three rows will get wet.”

It’s not stopping at Kim and me. Everyone else seems to be getting into the act. My sister has been chatting up the notion of creating a flash mob to Pat Benatar’s,” Love is a Battlefield.”  Steve and Dave, my teacher colleagues, are threatening to create an all Guinness wedding cake covered in a Bailey’s frosting. People seem very happy for me and Kim and I can tell the difference from my last endeavor like this.

It was a rough patch for a bit but the clouds eventually dry up and goes away. Kim never left my side. As crazy it is sounds, between all this family drama and wedding planning, I feel like I have fallen for Ms. Texas a little bit more. We’ve had to work together and we did it not only well but we successfully. Oh, And we laughed. A lot.

Probably my favorite photo. Kim will do anything to make me laugh.

In response to "Coming Clean"

            I teach U. S. History with my good friend, Steve Freenor. We are a great team due to mutual respect, similar senses of humor and our love of the content we teach. There are always two people in the world I know that will be upfront and pull no punches. One is my sister, Mary, and the other is Steve.

We keep a working guillotine for classroom management. Very effective.

            During vocabulary this morning, we began discussing my current situation especially regarding the latest blog. Steve was very complimentary about the entry but did point out that I might have gone too far in one area. My attitude towards my mom’s closing comment about having a wonderful wedding.

            I pointed out it was my honest feelings. Writing this blog had given me a tremendous amount of satisfaction. It started out as an exercise to work on my writing skills. As a future world famous storyteller, I have a modicum of understanding on how to sway people. I often use those abilities to prompt reactions and feelings about events in my blog.

            Even though yesterday’s blog was not entertaining like the one where I went to Rock City or even heartwarming like the Heist/Proposal entry, that blog will always stand out to me. It is probably the most honest thing I have ever written. I wrote it for me.

            In retrospect, if I had written the “Coming Clean’ blog a few weeks ago, it’s purpose would have been only to strike out and try to hurt my mom. Truthfully, I have about 3-4 earlier versions written since December and yesterday. None of them were written for the right reasons.

            “Coming Clean” was written by me for two reasons. First, I needed to get this weight off my chest. I have carried this around for months and it had begun to affect my outlook and how I treated those I love around me. This whole silly mess had even begun to affect my sleep or lack thereof. Secondly, I have not only great friends but smart friends. I guess you could say I outsourced this whole thing to get some fresh perspective.

            And fresh perspective, I got. Thank you. It was very comforting to know that I am not alone and some of y’all have issues like this in your own family. It was also nice to know that I may not have to shoulder all the blame in this situation to make it right.

            Since I got this on paper last Sunday, I am walking around like I’ve just dropped a 60 pound pack after climbing Blood Mountain. Life doesn’t seem so dark. Once again, thanks.

            Ironically, I wanted to avoid having a wedding for reasons like this in the first place. Since I’ve come clean, my attitude has been reinvigorated. I was never not excited about marrying Kim but now I am psyched to have a ceremony so I can give my bride Forsyth Fountain even if we only have it for a few hours.

            Over the past few days, I have gotten confirmation on the venue, been shopping for a wedding outfit, took care of the cake. Got the first draft of my vows done, looked into the marriage license. It’s all working out and it’s because I faced down the elephant in the room.

            How is this going down? Am I inviting Stuart to my wedding to appease my mom? I honestly don’t know. I lean back and forth on this one. Kim and I are planning on sitting down with Mom and Stuart to begin a dialogue to maybe work out a few things. One thing I have figured out is that I don’t have to rush anything. It will work out one way or another. I just want to have an awesome wedding and enjoy it which will happen. May 26^th will be an awesome day because I have done everything for all the right reasons. I keep to that path, it will be fine.

            I’ve got a wedding to plan. See you there on the 26^th. Setting up at 8am. There will be mimosas and doughnuts. Bring a chair and let’s make some memories.

Kim, I have an idea.......

Time to Come Clean Especially With Myself

            Word of warning. The following will not be like one of my regular blogs. I am using this as a way to get something very personal and very painful off my chest. I promise to return in the next blog with some geeky or funny observation about my life filled with wedding plans and hysterically funny children.

            My mom and I have not spoken to each other since the afternoon of December 27. We had a huge falling out over what seems like my dislike of her boyfriend.  There is actually a bigger issue involved other my dislike of her boyfriend. I have watched my relationship wither with mom for the past few years. Stuart (the boyfriend) is part of the problem but not it entirely.

            For the past few years, I know that mom has struggled with getting older and understanding her role in life. Frankly, she has been thrown a lot of unfair curveballs. I get that and I understand. It’s just that she doesn’t seem to ever want to do anything with myself, adopted family from Young Harris College, Kim and the kids, or even my sister anymore. All she wants to do is to either stay at home or go out with Stuart.

            Back in December we had a huge falling out. The day after the Oyster Roast, everyone always goes out to eat lunch somewhere. We were over an hour late getting out to the Crystal Beer Parlor. I tried to get everyone going but the gang was moving slow.

            By the time, we arrived tempers were short and Stuart has decided they are leaving. Gid’s girlfriend used to be very close to Mom so she and I beg Mom to stay. Stuart pitched a huge fit in the parking lot and basically threatened to kick my “fat ass.”

            There is no love between myself and Stuart but I never had any intentions of venting my dislike in a public place like he did. The entire time Stuart was giving me an earful, I just stood there silent because I was afraid that if we did have it out, we’d accidently hurt my mom. So I just stood there and took it. When he was done, Stuart sped off in his mini-van and left my mom behind.

            I tried to talk to Mom later in the day. I tried to stay to the problems between us and keep Stuart out of it but she kept telling me how horrible I am to Stuart and so disrespectful. Stuart’s son doesn’t like her but at least he is respectful so why can’t Mary and I act like that? I tried to explain how Stuart says horrible stuff to us and she just lets it go. My mom responded with, “You’re a man and have to learn to fight your own battles.” I fired back with how I understood that but every time I tried to, she would call me down. “You’re being rude, Robby”, mom would say. I can’t win either way so why be around anymore?

            At this point, I realized how my mother held me responsible for everything bad that had happened and even for the fight Stuart tried to start.  I walked away from the porch of my grandparents’ home straight to Gideon’s car. We left a few minutes later and I have not spoken to my mother since.

I do not deny that I have added fuel to the fire of Stuart mine’s mutual hatred. My mouth is quick to lash back with sarcasm and witty but hurtful replies. I wish I could call it gift but I am good at channeling “assholery.”

            Kim kind of changed a lot of that for me when she came into the picture. First of all, her love took a lot of my anger away. Secondly, she pointed out when I was being the asshole and I was doing the wronging. Finally, she made me understand the only way to beat Stuart at his game was to be the bigger man. From about this time last year up until now, I have done my best to remain silent and just ignore his jibes and veiled insults.

Stuart began to up his game. He is very good at being passive aggressive and began to lash out about my friends and even to my friends. Stuart even told inappropriate jokes to Roni and Jude or used racial slurs. I was very proud of Roni when my eleven year-old told Stuart that it’s very wrong to tell kids jokes like this.

 It got to the point where many of my closest friends didn’t want to show up to anything Kim and I would host. Everyone’s first question became,” Will Stuart be there? instead of “What can I bring?” That is fucked up.

            I’ve been carrying this with my for now about 4 months and it’s been eating me alive. I am afraid that it’s begun to affect the way I look out at the world. I have this amazing life with a wonderful woman and two awesome kids yet I try to avoid looking at the side with my mom like a bad spot on an apple. I just eat around it.

            A few days after the last blog, I wrote my mother an invitation on my special stationary and told her they I wanted to her to come to the wedding. After a couple of days, I got a reply stating she’d love to come. I felt like a bit of headway had been made.

            I began to realize this silliness had gone on too long. Too many people were being affected because of my choice to cut out Mom. I decide it was time to man up and try to mend some fences.

            That was until I checked my mail yesterday. I recognized my mom’s handwriting and immediately thought she was thinking the same thing. “I bet she wants to have dinner at Sweet Potatoes and talk,” I thought. Man, was I off base.

            Her note was only four lines long but it simply stated because I did not invite Stuart and recognize they were partners then Mom would be unable to attend my wedding. She wished Kim and me the best then signed it with “love, Mom” Who the fuck signs something “love” after rejecting an invite to their child’s wedding?   

            So here I am. Thanks for letting me vent. I do feel better. But what do I do now? Where do I go? One minute I am full of sadness followed by long moments of rage. I honestly don’t know if I want mom at my wedding at this point or in my life. Everything that involves her, brings me nothing but hurt or disappointment or both, so why bother anymore?

            I am open to suggestions that do not involve heavy drinking or taking up smoking again.

Thanks.