Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Mary's Christmas Story

            I haven't been writing much at all lately due to a broken laptop. Inspiration struck night before last when this story popped into my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. It's rough and needs serious re-editing and corrections but I knew this needed to be done for Xmas morning.
             I'm spending my first Xmas without my little sister and I miss her terribly. I am very happy for her because I know she curled in the arms of her awesome and loving wife yet Xmas just isn't Xmas unless the two of us are getting into some form of trouble. lol.  I wish Mary & Christine were both here but maybe next year...(Joelle too). 
            This story is probably the closest  glimpse I could ever describe as the chaos we put ourselves through at that tiny house on 2619 Salcedo Ave during the holidays. I did take some liberties seeing that it's written from the point of view of an eight year girl which suffice to say, is something I don't have a lot of experience with. (Sorry Mary, I hope did try to stay close to the source material.) 
           It's also a bit long for a blog but hey, I had to put it up somewhere. Consider it peek into my first of several editions of collected works. 
           I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I hope Santa and his many elves treat y'all wonderfully. 

              



            It was the day before Xmas in the Richardson family and the Savannah house bustled almost with a nervous energy of anticipation and close quarters. Little Mary coughed. It was Xmas which meant she was sick again. For her past eight years, somehow Mary always blessed the family with getting sick around the holidays. “It would be her gift to us,” joked her father to a very tired mother. At least this year, Mary just had a cold as compared to her various aliments of strep throat.
            Mary walked down the hallway into the kitchen which always seemed the nerve center of her grandparent’s house on the Savannah marsh. Her grandmother was over the sink heading shrimp while Uncle Billy stood by her with a glass of red wine in his hand. They were arguing over it being too early to start drinking.
            “Honestly, Billy, I understand you do things differently out in California but it just seems too early to start,” said Grandma with a slight bit of indignation.
            “Mother, you need to just relax. Cooking is an art and should be enjoyed. Here.” Billy poured his mother a small glass of sherry.
“Well, if you going to pour that much may as well make it a bit more. It is the holidays,” laughed Grandma. Mother and son clinked their glasses and went back to cooking preparations that would turn the little house into series of delicious smells.
Mary got a little excited about the idea of Xmas eve dinner tonight. Grandma was making her famous Savannah Red Rice while she had no idea what creation Billy would make. He was a good cook but Mary recalled hearing her mother and father discuss many times how Billy had no idea what it was like to cook with two kids and an impatient grandfather waiting on dinner.
Mary strolled up to the sink, “Can I have a cookie?” Grandma and Uncle stopped their slicing’s and beheading of shrimp. Both smiled a little at the little girl.
Are you sure you won’t spoil your dinner, Mary?” asked Grandma as she wiped her hands on the dish worn Xmas towel she always kept beside the sink. Mary shook her head. “Go on. You know where they are.
Mary walked over to the pantry shelf and opened up the Tupperware containers which held a multitude of Xmas cookies. Some were made by Grandma; some by Mary’s own mother, and the rest were sugar cookies baked and decorated by Mary and her big brother, Robby.
Mary chose the sugar cookie for her and picked up the chocolate peppermint cookie for her brother. She knew he loved this cookie and came to look forward every Xmas for Grandma to bake them. It was a small sugar cookie laced with bits of peppermint cane candy. On the top was always Hershey’s kiss. Mary knew she’d need to heavy artillery to persuade her brother who claimed to be wrapping gifts but, in actuality, was just watching TV in the living room.
A loud thud came from outside followed by a very familiar, “GO@D$%N!!!” Mary looked out the window to see her father loading up the Georgia Buggy’s trailer with lumber while Pop was in the driver’s chair giving directions.
The Georgia Buggy, as it was christened by her Dad, was actually just a Snapper lawn mower which Pop bought that always seemed to be used for everything else but mowing the grass. This afternoon, Mary’s Dad and Pop were taking some wood down to the dock for whatever repairs were always seemed to be needing to be done. The wood fell out the trailer which her Dad was quickly trying to stack back up while Pop belayed orders. “You’re doing it all wrong!” Leave some room on the sides so you can pack it in tight!”
“Dammit, Dad!” I think I got this! I have Masters and run a college library. I think I can figure out to stack some damned lumber in a trailer!” Dad went back to loading as Pop turned around with an indignant wave of his hand. Pop made his familiar, “Phew” sound which Mary recognized when her Grandfather got mad at something.
It always upset to see her Dad argue with her Pop but then she remembered her brother’s warning. “Don’t let it get you down, Kidney Bean.”
Mary’s brother always seemed to have a wide variety of nicknames for her which always frustrated her” Kidney Bean, Strudel, Half-Pint, even Handle-Bars which made fun of how her long curly hair wouldn’t lay down and would quite literally stood up on the sides of head. A fact which she wished her big brother would ignore but he was eighteen so Robby always seemed to notice and know everything. Another fact which was frustrating to an eight year old in a very small house.
Robby had explained long ago how Pop and Dad was too much alike to work well together but even though they argued like two bulldogs, they were actually quite happy being around each other but would never admit it to each other. This made no sense to Mary but she trusted Robby. Every now and then he said something that wasn’t stupid.
Mary loved to watch her father when they visited their Grandparents in Savannah. Dad always seemed a bit lighter and happier even though he’d spend most of the day tinkering on the Grandma and Pop’s house or down at the dock.
Her favorite were the occasions when she’d get to go with Pop and Dad down to the dock. Pop would spend the long stroll on down the walkway pointing out all things a “low country girl” needed to know like how to recognize where Fiddler crabs lived and the determine the difference between the droppings of a raccoon from possums. Sometimes it was a little gross listening to Pop but he always had a story about the water and the old man would seem to grow larger in stature from his small, older frame as he shared these tidbits with her.
Her Dad was always a little faster in pace and would always get down to the dock first. Inevitably, her father would always stand out the edge of the dock, hands on his hips, and stare out at the river. Mary always wondered what her Dad was thinking. She would ask him but her father would just tustle her long brown hair and say, “You’ll understand when you are older.”
When you are older. Everyone was always saying that and it would irritate Mary. Even though she was eight, everyone said how smart she was and how she acted much older than her age. So why wouldn’t people just answer her darn questions? Adults are frustrating….
About that time Mary was snapped out of her thoughts by the familiar sound of their 1986 Aerostar pulling up in the driveway. Her Mom had gone to Kroger to get some last minute groceries and hit the package store for tonight’s revelries. Mary suspected Mom liked to go alone to get away from all the madness and wished she could have gone off with her but Mom had said some last minute shopping had to be down without “peeking eyes.”
Sure enough Mom walked in with the telltale signs of many paper bags from Kroger loaded up with groceries. There was also a small white bag from her mother’s favorite fast-food place. Chick-fil-A.
“Well, hello, Miss Squirrel (another family nick name. This one from her dad), here help me with this,” said Mom as she handed a few groceries bags to Mary. Mary took the bags and placed them carefully on the Formica kitchen table, she turned around but her mother had gone out to the car for another load. Mary followed. She wanted to catch a glimpse of any bags from the Oglethorpe Mall which might give away potential Xmas presents.
Mom figured out Mary’s ploy and stopped right in her tracks. “I think I got this, Mary.” Said her mother. “Why don’t you go inside and help yourself to that last of my chicken sandwich. I couldn’t finish it all and thought you might want to help me out. Don’t tell your brother, though. I didn’t get him one.” Mary and Mom smiled.
As much fun as it was to visit Grandma and Pop’s house, it was small. They only had five rooms and it got pretty cramped at times. Mary had also noticed how both of her grandparents were getting older and harder to be around. Pop was still a lot of fun but some visits he seemed to have a harder time moving around. Her Grandma also seemed to always be forgetting things. She frequently called her big brother “Robert” instead of Robby.  Nobody ever called Robby that except on a few occasions when Robby got Mom really, really mad.
Grandma was also prone to acting irritable out of the blue. When this happened, Mom would need to Kroger and sometimes take Mary with her. They’d sneak over to the Mall and get Chick-fil-a sandwiches.
“Just us girls,” Mom would giggle with Mary as they’d attempt to clink their Diet Cokes together in a toast of Mother-Daughter confidence. Mary would take a large sip through her straw and feel content with the world which was making less and less sense as she was getting older.
Mary sat down at the kitchen table, opened the white and red bag and pulled out the half chicken sandwich. She opened the sandwich and pulled off the remaining pickles which Mary carefully placed on her Styrofoam plate then went back to eating the sandwich. Somehow the fact that she was eating something her big brother was being deprived of made the fried chicken sandwich as delicious as one of the gourmet meals Uncle Billy was always talking about like peasant under glass or something called Drunken Hens. Mary finished as Mom came and sat beside.
“How was the shopping?” Billy asked as he took another sip of wine. He pointed to his glass and then to Mom. Mary’s mom shook her head in an in emphatic gesture saying, “Yes.”
Mom replied, “It was crowded but what do you expect on Christmas Eve?” Grandma noticed Billy pouring another glass. She began to show disapproval when Billy distracted her by asking about where Grandma got the shrimp from.
“Oh, I got mine from over at Tuten’s. They seemed smaller yet still had no problem charging me 3.50 per pound. Can you believe?” Can you believe would always lead into some rant about how things are so pricey now-a-days. Mary’s mom indicated to pour more in her wine glass to Uncle Billy. He obliged and did the same to his when Grandma wasn’t looking.
 Mary went back to her sandwich and began scheming on how to convince her big brother to “do her bidding.” A phrase he repeated often about her. A plan was formulating when her Mom interrupted Mary’s thoughts.
Mary’s mother sat down beside at the table. “You feeling okay, Baby” You’re face seems a little flushed.” Mary’s mother lightly brushed some of Mary’s hair out of her face. Mary shook her head as if to say yes. Mom sipped her wine.
“You getting excited about Santa coming tonight?” Mom asked. Mary shook head again.
“Great, after dinner I am going to need your help getting Santa’s milk and cookies ready. You going to be up for that? “
Mary shook her head again to indicate she was.
Mom sipped her wine again and snuggled up a bit to her daughter and smiled as she asked, “Have you figured out what cookies to leave out for Santa? Oh, and use your napkin, dear. Crumbs are going everywhere.”
Mary wiped her face and carefully around her plate to catch all the Chick-fil-crumbles. They were tasty sandwiches but could sure make a mess. What cookies to leave out? This was a big decision. She knew she’d have to put out at least one peppermint chocolate cookie to shut her brother up but what else?
“Maybe some of my cookies I made with Robby. Oh and some of Pop’s fudge.” Mary replied. Yeah, the fudge was a good idea. It was the only thing she ever saw her grandfather cook in the kitchen but it was amazing.
“How about some of our homemade fruitcake. You think Santa would like that?” asked Mom.
Mary thought to herself. What is it with adults and fruitcake? Every December about the time Mary’s dad would start baking all his Xmas breads, inevitably homemade fruitcakes would be made which Mary’s mom and dad would spend the remainder of the holidays trying to give away but to no avail. Besides the only person who ever ate that stuff was her father so why leave Santa any?
Mary shook her head wildly as she said, No. Just cookies.”
Her Mom smiled as if understanding where her daughter was thinking. “Okay, sweetie. I’ll get the Xmas plate down later and we can wash it off before dinner.”
Mary’s grandmother loved collector’s plates and had many from her travels with Pop around the country. Grandma would proudly display them on the bookshelf in the living room. There were plates form the Grand Canyon, New York City, someplace in Atlanta called the Wren’s Nest (Robby explained that was the house of the guy who wrote Uncle Remus), and of course the Xmas plate.
During their travels during a decade Mary could never quite place, Grandma and Pop and visited Santa Claus, IN. “It was the word’s first theme park!” Pop would always exclaim. Grandma and Pop had bought a bevy of souvenirs which was still around the house. Mary recalled the ashtray which sat on Grandma’s dresser even though she didn’t smoke. Grandma’s prize souvenir was the plate she bought from the Santa Claus Land gift shop.
Every Xmas, Mary’s father, who was the only one tall enough to reach the shelf without a chair (even though her brother said he could do yet Mary didn’t quite believe him), would reach up and pull down the dusty plate. Mary and her mother would go to the kitchen and gently hand wash then dry the plate. Nothing was too good for the Big Guy up North and Mary wanted to leave a good impression as only the best and the prettiest of the Xmas cookies would be left out for Santa to snack on.
Mary’s mother finished up her wine as Uncle Billy and Grandma went back to their cooking duties. Mom smiled as she kissed Mary on the forehead, “ I have some Xmas to wrap for your Dad and brother and maybe even something for a certain pretty little girl who’s under the weather so keep them away from my bedroom a bit, will you?”
Mary grinned as her mother left the kitchen. She threw away her plate and napkin and walked down the hallway into the living room with cookies in hand. Mary knew that she could probably get her brother to entertain her but it would probably now take both cookies to persuade him. Robby was always a sucker for cookies, especially Xmas cookies.
Grandma and Pop’s living room was the biggest room in the house. It was covered with a thick and ancient blue shag carpet which had an old but comforting smell whenever Mary would sprawl out in front of the ancient console television. At least it was in color. Robby currently occupied the prime viewing space on the floor. Wrapping paper was in an array behind him which Mary had to navigate to nudge him.    
“Whatcha doing, Big Brother,” Mary tried to coo sweetly in a combined effort to tame her brother into a compliant mood and gauge what secret weapons she’d need to pull her scheme off.
Robby answered his sister’s question with another question,” Is Dad around?’
Mary shook her head to indicate no.
“Well, in that case I am not wrapping presents but just killing time until Batman comes on Channel 28. And I am enjoying doing it alone.” Robby finished hoping to brush off his sister.
Mary quickly rerouted her attack plan. “Want to maybe watch a Xmas special while you wait?” Robby and her Dad had jury-rigged the back of the old TV to operate the family VCR which they had brought with them from their home in North Georgia. Various boxes of videotapes were scattered on the sofa nearby the TV. “Frosty might be fun and its short.”
“Naaah,” was the one word response from her big bro.  Mary walked around his resting body to examine the family Xmas tree. Xmas had some strange rules at her Grandparents. Grandma never wanted a real tree like the one Mary had at home which made the house smell like it was outside all the time. Grandma hated the needles falling on the floor.
Instead Grandma and Pop had a very old artificial tree she had bought with her two sisters one year down at Levy’s Department Store. Aunt Agnes and Aunt Ruby liked the tree so much that all three sisters bought identical trees and would always put them up on the same day and call each other. Both Agnes and Ruby had passed away long before Mary had been born.   Robby had explained it was special to Grandma because it was sentimental. It was an ugly tree but Mary had grown to find it special because it meant she was in Savannah and Santa would be coming soon.
Underneath the ancient tree was an even older Manger scene. This Manger was so much cooler than the one Mom and Dad had back home with just a lonely Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. Grandma and Pop’s Manger was bigger and everyone was there from several Shepherds, the Angel of the Lord which would hang on the Roof of the Manger, and even several attendants to the Three Wise men. Mary would spend hours arranging the right number of sheep around the shepherds and while adjusting the cows and the little donkey with a broken nose.
Mary began to adjust some of the toppled farm animals. Robby probably knocked them down while adjusting his wrapping area. Robby wasn’t taking any hints or the bait so a direct approach might work better.
Before she could say anything, Robby asked her without ever taking eye of the television. “What do you want Mary and how can I do it with as little time and effort as possible?”
“It’s Xmas Eve, you know what I want.”  Said Mary in a voice sounding much older than she was.
Still staring at an Andy Griffith rerun and never locking eyes with his younger sister,”Yeah, but we haven’t had dinner yet. You know the rules. No stories until after Xmas Eve dinner.”
“Robby, Uncle Billy is helping Grandma cook and he’s been drinking. We’ll be lucky if we eat Xmas Eve Dinner before tomorrow morning!” Mary shouted.
Mary’s older brother finally looked away from the TV and at his younger sister. He smiled as he said;” I guess you do have a point, Kidney Bean.”
“Quit calling me that! And for that matter I do want to hear the stories I’m bored. You’re not doing anything but trying to avoid working with Dad and Pop. And I brought you Xmas cookies!” Mary said in a last ditch effort of frustration as she thrust the cookies at her brother.
Robby looked upon the cookies near his face. His left eyebrow rose slowly which was always a sign to Mary that she had his attention. “That’s one of those Peppermint Cookies I like”, he said. 
“Is it?” as Mary started to walk away. “I just grabbed the first few I saw. You want one?” Mary started to smile. The bait was on the hook.
“You make it sound like a big deal, Mary. I can walk into the kitchen and get a cookie too, you know.” Robby said in an attempt to seem flippant.
“Oh, I know but Robby, you’d have to get up, walk in there and hope that Grandma won’t stop you from “ruining your dinner.” Mary countered and smiled. She had him.
Robby pondered while looking at the cookies, shrugged and said,” When you’re right, Mary, you’re right. It’s going to cost you both cookies though.”
“Yesss!” thought Mary. “Ok, if that’s what it takes.” Mary went back to thinking. To be so much older and smarter, yet so predictable. Shame really. Meanwhile Robby polished off the first cookie and started on the fabled peppermint one.
Robby started between bites, “OK, so Santa figured out early on that he needed some help with more than just making toys and….”
“No, not here. In the chair. “Mary pointed to their grandfather’s recliner back in the corner near the bookshelf laden with their grandmother’s prize plates. Pop’s chair was the most comfortable chair in the house. Many Saturday afternoons while watching UGA football, Mary had heard her Pop fall sleep and snore loudly. When he was out of the room, Mary often fought with Robby over who would sit in it. Sometimes they compromised and shared it. Mary would curl up in her brothers lap as he’d read comic books. She’d doze off while looking at the panels with Spider-man or Batman fighting the Joker or Doc Ock.
Robby sat down in the chair and Mary crawled into his lap. The siblings slowly reclined back and snuggled in together to get comfortable. Mary rested her head in the crook of Robby’s arm and coughed.
“You OK?” asked her big brother.
Mary said, “Yes, I’m fine. Please just start the story.” Growing a bit impatient.
Robby began once again, “Okaaay, so Santa figured out pretty quickly that he’d need more help than just making toys. Making the toys was the easy part. The trick was getting them all out to the good little girls and boys.”
“Is Tiny coming up?” Asked Mary hopefully.
Robby replied a little irritated at being interrupted, “Yes, of course Tiny is coming up but you’ve got to let me set up the story first, Mary. That’s how storytelling works.
“OK, so back in the old days it was easy for Santa to deliver toys. Times were simpler and people were more trusting. Santa could just drop down the chimney, fill the stockings and zip back up the flue to fly on to the next house. “
“I’m still waiting to hear all about Tiny,” Mary mentioned impatiently
“He’s coming, just chill, will ya?”  Robby continued the story.
“ The Twentieth Century got tricky. People began to think they were more sophisticated than they actually are. Houses with chimneys got radiators, Apartments, High rises, Kids staying up late watching The Tonight Show. It all got very complicated for a guy whose entire work schedule revolves around working in the middle of the night for one night only.
His first problem was to create a secure work space. Santa has got a lot to do in a home Not only does he have to make sure the right toys end up in the right stockings not to mention leaving out the properly assigned loose presents laid around for Xmas morning. Santa also has to drink that milk and eat all those cookies left out for him. He can’t very well do that if he has to keep looking over his shoulder for any kid who won’t go to bed. “
“Here comes Feiffer!” Mary exclaimed as she held back from clapping her hands.
Robby smiled at his little sister’s outburst. Her face was full of delight which tickled him. “Yep, enter our first special elf, Feiffer.
Feiffer actually started out as just a regular elf making toys. He did all right but it wasn’t really his thing. Instead Feiffer would often lead all the other elves into singing Xmas Carols to help pass the time. After a while, Feiffer got so good motivating the elf work force, he started playing assorted instruments. His favorite was the flute. All day long until it was quitting time, Feiffer would walk around the workshop, going up and down the aisles playing Xmas music on his flute.”
Mary closed her eyes and pictured Feiffer in her head as he strutted up and down the long rows of wooden tables filled with various toys. She always pictured Feiffer as being a little younger than the other elves with a brownish red beard and his elf hat drooping over his eyes. He’d also probably wear some bright elf clothes because musicians always wore crazy outfits. She had seen it on MTV.
Mary began to wonder what Santa’s elves really do look like. Do they look like the tiny pixyish elves she had seen in old copies of The Night Before Xmas or more like the cute funny elves in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Her dad always said it didn’t matter and not to worry about it but how could she? These elves had a lot of responsibility and Mary wanted answers. She began to focus back on the story her brother was now very much into telling.
“Now Santa began having problems dropping into houses because kids were staying up late watching TV, or they were playing video games on their Atari 2600 which all good Big Brothers always get, or even worse, some tried to stay up to take snap a picture of Santa while he was working---“
Mary interrupted,”You know you’re not getting an Atari for Christmas.”
“I know but I can dream can’t I?”
Mary continued,” I think Dad is planning on giving you another kiddie game like last year for your state-of-the-art-video gaming system.” Mary raised her little fingers in air quotes as she said the video game part and began laughing.
“Stop it, it’s not funny.”
“Oh, it was. Your face was great.” Mary’s laughter began to grow. “You so fell for Dad’s trick. And the best part was how you had to act all grateful because Grandma and Pop were watching and they actually thought you had gotten a really cool toy. The best.” Mary’s laughter was now heightened to peals.
“Would you knock it off?” Robby was getting irritated.
Mary couldn’t stop, she was on a roll,” You deserved every bit of it especially after how mean you were to me on Xmas Eve.” More laughter from Mary, “Remember trying to convince me that one arm was longer than the other and everyone was nice by not saying anything?”
Robby began to chuckle a bit too,” I guess you’re right. It was a little funny. May I continue?”
Mary’s laugher died down and Robby started the story back. “So Santa needed a solution because he needed to get into those houses but he also couldn’t very well throw some knock out gas in there. The solution came along quite by accident.
One day Santa was on the workshop floor overseeing the toy making progress when he heard music. That’s when he saw our man, Feiffer playing up and down the aisles.”
Mary broke into the story,” Don’t forget the magic flute made from the special ice.”
Why don’t you tell the story if you know it so well?” was Robby’s response.
“Sorry, I’ll be quiet.”
“Anyway, Santa saw Feiffer playing that flute and he got this great idea. What if Feiffer came along and played soft music to lull the little kids to sleep? It was a perfect plan except for one thing.
As good as Feiffer was when he played the flute, it didn’t always work in testing trials so Santa decided to give his elf pal some help.”
“A magical ice flute that couldn’t melt.” Mary said.
Robby grinned a bit. He was having fun making his little sister happy. “That‘s right. Santa made a special flute from the magical ice up in the North pole. Because it was magical, the flute would never melt and the music would make the kids sleepy.
So when Santa arrives at your house and if you try to stay up, Don’t be surprised if you hear soft flute music playing, Greens leaves, which is Feiffer’s favorite song. Before the second verse, you’ll be fast asleep and when the morning comes—Presents courtesy of the North Pole. If you’re good.”
What do you get if you’re bad?” asked Mary, starting to giggle because she knew her brother’s answer.
“Reindeer poop. It’s cheaper than coal.” Both siblings broke into laughter as Robby pantomimed Santa collected reindeer poop from the stables. “Whoa, Rudolph, someone had Mexican last night! PeeYuu!!!!”
Mary broke in between laughing, “That’s a job for Stinky the Elf.”
Robby, laughing,” I like it. We’ll put him in next year.”
The laughter eventually died down after more poop jokes and finally Robby got back to business of telling his story to his little sister. “Well, there was another elf that Santa took notice too but not because he such a big help. Rather it was because this elf always seemed to cause more problems.”
Mary grew excited because she knew who was coming but knew better than to interrupt. Robby was in a good mood but better to not rock the boat.
“See this elf was very small and that’s saying something because elves really aren’t that big to begin with. Most elves are about the size of small children like kindergarteners. This guy was little.”
Mary had to ask because she loved the answer,” How little was he, Robby?”
 “Why, this little guy was three apples tall just like the—“
Mary broke in smiling, “Just like the smurfs.”
“Yep. Just like the smurfs.” Robby went on,” The elf’s name was actually Theodosius but that was hard for the elves to say especially when they were in a hurry being busy making all those toys and such so everyone started calling him, Tiny.”
Robby started in on a describing what Tiny looked like but Mary faded off. She knew this part by heart and begin to daydream on the white elf suit Robby would be talking about and how it was fringed in bits of red and gold. Tiny looked even younger than Feiffer but Mary guessed that was because Tiny didn’t have a beard. Her favorite part was coming.
Robby went on,” All the other elves liked Tiny very much even though he wasn’t very good at making toys. Matter-of-fact, it was always a disaster. But as the days went on Tiny would find tasks to do around the workshop. If a nail or a screw fell between the floor boards, Tiny could always reach it.
And he was always in good spirits or telling jokes to make the other elves laugh and pass the time. Their favorite would be when it was Break time and hot cocoa would be passed out.”
“And?” Mary asked hopefully.
“And, Tiny would make all the elves clap and laugh by jumping on the marshmallow and doing one of those log rolls on it. The elves thought that was hysterical.”
Robby?” asked Mary. “How did his feet not get sticky?”
Without breaking stride in the story, Robby responded,” Simple, elves wear special clothes that won’t get dirty. That’s how come they can make toys all day around paint and sawdust and varnish and not worry about washing their clothes.”
Mary nodded her head that would make a lot sense. If reindeer can fly and there’s magic flute, it would make perfect sense to have special elf clothes so as not to worry about laundry. A chore Mary hated almost as much as her brother. Their dryer had broken last summer and Dad had not replaced it yet so Robby and Mary had the job of hanging laundry on the clothes line outside. When it got cold, their Dad solved the problem by creating a series of clotheslines upstairs so the clothes wouldn’t freeze in the mountain air.
“So where did Tiny sleep?” asked Mary. This was the part she loved the most. The marshmallow was great but she loved picturing the next part of the story in her head.
Robby obliged,” Well, he started off sleeping on doll furniture and even had a little house with a bed and a recliner and even a little plastic TV but he got lonely. This was in the workshop and all the other elves had their own beds back in the bunk house. Tiny would get lonely and cry.
The other elves felt sorry for Tiny. It wasn’t his fault he was small so they took turns letting him sleep with them back in their bunks. Unfortunately, because Tiny was so small, the elves had to be careful because they could roll over and squish him.”
“So Tiny figured out he could sleep in their beard and be safe all snug as a bug in a rug,” Mary broke in. “ And sometimes when the elves would smoke their pipes, Tiny would entertain the elves by dancing around the smoke rings and through them. He was very acrobatic and graceful. “
Mary always loved this part and didn’t mean to interrupt Robby but she couldn’t help herself. She could always picture how Tiny would wrap himself up in an elves’ beard or dance like a gymnast through the blue haze of the pipe rings.    Mary could picture Tiny leaping off of the different elves’ noses and doing somersaults around and through the rings while all the other elves would laugh at how adorable Tiny was. Mary wished she hold Tiny and cuddle up with him.
Robby picked up the story again, “ Santa was having problems getting into houses now that chimneys were smaller because of furnaces and many places didn’t even have a chimney anymore like high rises.
One day Santa was laughing when Tiny was doing his magical flips through the smoke rings when the idea hit Ol’ Claus. “Why don’t I take Tiny with me to help out getting into those houses without chimneys?
Sure enough, Tiny was a whiz dropping down those tiny metal stove pipes and using all his acrobatic skills to open locked windows. In no time, Tiny became almost as important as Rudolph because of his knack of getting into tight places for Santa.
So every Xmas eve, as Santa loads up the sleigh he always leaves two very important slots for Feiffer and Tiny to ride along just in case they are needed. The end.”  
“The end.” As Mary clapped her hands while smiling dreamily. “I love Santa but I really love hearing about those elves. It’s almost like you should make a Xmas special, Robby.”
Robby thought about it for a minute, “Maybe I will one day, Mary. I do want to learn how to special effects in movies. It would be kinda cool to create one of those stop motion Xmas specials like the ones form Rankin Bass.”
Mary agreed, “Yeah, that would be awesome.”
“Robby?”
“Ummm?”
“Thanks for telling me the Elves story even though it’s not after dinner yet. It was fun.”
“No problem, Rug rat,” as big brother cradled his little sis in his arms. Mary leaned up and kissed him on his fuzzy cheek. Robby was perpetually attempting to grow his own beard yet it always seemed to sprout in patches.
“Robby?”
Yeah?”
“Promise me you’ll always tell me that story about the elves even when we get old and have kids.” Mary said.
“Of course, I’ll do it especially when that happens. Xmas is all about traditions just like Dad always says. I love telling you stories and I know it’ll be even more fun one day when we both have kids and spend Xmas right here in this living room. “ Robby commented.
“Yeah.” Mary commented as both kids stared off at the ancient Xmas tree. Their thoughts their own as they both contemplated what tomorrow would bring them. Mary tried to stifle another cough. She knew it would be a hard time falling asleep tonight.

EPILOGUE—Five Years later
            Thirteen year old Mary had just finished heading all the fresh shrimp Grandma had gotten for Xmas Eve dinner. Grandma had to sit down because she was tired.
            “Jan, I mean, Mary, do you  mind if we take a break for a few minutes before starting on tomorrow’s oyster dressing? I am just a little pooped.” Grandma asked.
            “No problem, Grandma, “ Mary said. “It works out perfect because I am a little tired too. You want me to pour you a glass of sherry? It’s the holidays.”
            “Just a little one, Jan, Mary,” as Grandma smiled sadly. They both looked at the empty chair across the table. It was their first Xmas without Pop and everyone was missing him terribly. Mary poured Grandma a drink in the Xmas glasses while trying to hold back her tears. Grandma sipped her sherry as she reached across the table for the Savannah Morning News.
            She said,” Mary, I think I just want to read the paper for a little bit. Do you mind? “
Mary hugged her tightly,” Not at all, Grandma. There is something I need to do.”  Mary walked over to the Tupperware containers and reached in for two Xmas cookies. She made sure to get a peppermint cookie with the Hershey kiss on top.
Mary walked down the hallway into the living room where her older brother laid prone on the floor in front of the ancient console television. He was lost in a rerun of The Golden Girls. Estelle Harris was making a smart ass quip when Robby turned around to see his little sister with two Xmas cookies in hand.
Mary nodded in the direction of Pop’s recliner, “Chair. Now.”

Robby looked at his baby sister and understood exactly what she was thinking. Without an argument or quip, the older brother got up to walk over to the chair and began his story,  “See Santa, figured out real early…….”

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Absorbent, Yellow and in Savannah is He..... UPDATED!!!!!!


        


             Fall has finally kicked in to where Savannah is finally cooling off. There is also a bit of a buzz going around the city which always happens right before a movie is filmed here. Back towards the end of the summer, Kim was the first to break the big news about how SpongeBob SquarePants 2 was going to be filmed in sections of Tybee Island and also downtown Savannah.   The kids and I are quite thrilled.


            Since then, we have been speculating on who Hollywood was bringing for the special live-action star. Last time, we got the obvious choice of David Hasselhoff who gave Spongebob and Patrick a ride back to Bikini Bottom. It was announced officially yesterday that Antonio Banderas will be around for the second go. Asking around to some of the casting crew, I found out pirates will be a large art of this movie with Mr. Banderas as the villain and Head Pirate.

 
            The other big news is the huge casting call for extras. Unfortunately for me, I am out due to the visible tattoo and my beard. The good news is Roni and Jude’s school is had a huge casting call in conjunction with the SPSP producers. Kim has just taken Jude. Fingers crossed.

Waiting in line


            I asked Roni if she was interested but I go the 12 year old female look as Roni commandeered the TV remote. “It’s not my thing.” was the response. Roni is cracking me up.

             Kim got a migraine during the wait for casting so I showed up to help out. I got to sit in the casting session with local casting director. I was able to pick up a few things, most of them obvious. The SBSP gang will come out from the ocean out on Tybee where many families will be at the beach. Broughton Street will represent some seaside type city but pretty sure it won't be Shell City like the last time and also no David Hasselhoff in this outing either.
              Broughton Street will have a big chase scene where the SpongeBob Gang will encounter the bad guys. Along the way the street will be filled with extras posing as shoppers, store owners, cotton candy hawkers. Anything to make Broughton appear more like a seaside city. Guessing it will look outstanding from the work I have already seen.


            I took a few pictures of where they are planning on filming. . The exact location is off Broughton and Drayton right next to that awesome vintage toy store, Planet Fun. I am no Bill Dawers (our local writer/Blogger of all things Savannah and always a pretty good read) but I think I capture the area pretty decent for a first timer.
                 While downtown taking some shots, I had the chance to ask Planet Fun Store owner, John Croley, a few questions about the upcoming October shoot. He confirmed the shoot will take place around the middle of Oct. 

******I had an exclusive scoop regarding the downtown filming. It is amazing and I'm guessing from the scale of the event, it'll be towards the climax. On my own, I've pulled this tidbit because you deserve to be surprised. Trust me, it's epic. I got chills****

            Tour guiding downtown, I am sure I’ll start picking up some good scuttle-but and hopefully more photos as the Oct. 1st filming date . Keep you posted.


   












Are you ready, Savannah?
             

                                                              

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Spice Must Flow....

         

         The joke around the house is just how much I despise going back to school after my summer off. It’s been even worse this past break because we have gone back about a week and half earlier. The first two weeks are pretty rough for all of us as I transition back to early mornings, having to eat breakfast and wear long pants with shoes. My moodiness abounds, I am a bit ashamed to admit (and I have the market cornered on moody!)
            About a week into the summer to school transition, Kim and I were chatting about how she survives this situation. The answer surprised me:
            “I just remind myself that while you are brooding over Summer Robby being gone, pretty soon you switch over to Fall Robby who morphs into Christmas Robby.”
            I had never made that connection but it’s right on the money. I love fall. Autumn is probably my favorite of all the seasons. The weather gets cool enough for long sleeves over t-shirts (my preferred mode of fashion), boiled peanuts with UGA football, and I start my famous –in-my-own-mind-Chili-making Season, Of course the a/c bill drops while all the grocery Stores smell like cinnamon. The best also means I start planning Little Man’s and my Halloween costume, start getting ready to decorate the house with spookiness, and Murder Cake will soon make his return.  BHWAHHHAAAHHHH!!!!!
            Getting ready for fall actually leaves me a bit giddy because after that comes Thanksgiving which is a whole other set of planning. (I take turkey making very serious) along with pre-pre-Christmas planning. Kim and I already scoped out the Hallmark store for this year’s Christmas Ornaments. I have already picked out Roni’s which is this year’s Star Wars Character ornament, The Ewoks.
Yeah, I know, but it’ my daughter and she loves those
damn Ewoks so I make the exception….I also saw the Clark Griswold ornament where he is plugging the Xmas lights and the Halleluiah Chorus. I really hope Kim and the kids surprise me with that one.
            Any way back to fall. I am pretty psyched. Probably more than I should be but that is just how I get. While making my six fortyish in the Gd am commute to school last week, the notion hit me that pretty soon Starbucks will unveil their Pumpkin Spice Latte and Hot Cider/Carmel drinks. Cue drool glands and Homer Simpson sounds…..

            No sooner had I began occasional letting the Pumpkin Spice flavor permeate my thoughts when I came across a pretty interesting thread by my old YHC buddy and a bit of a mentor, Steve “Saigon” Davenport ranted about on Facebook. He has a great blog and a cool fly fishing lure store here:

Saturday Afternoon Rant...Since when did the coming of fall require that everything imaginable come pumpkin-flavored? Jenna was absolutely giddy to get a pumpkin-spice latte the other day. This morning someone posted a picture of pumpkin-spice cheesecake. This afternoon at the grocery store there was something pumpkin flavored on almost every aisle...even the beer aisle. How many pumpkin ales do we really need? Personally I'm good with none! Give me a slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving (heavy on the Cool Whip and hold the nutmeg please) and I'm good for the year! Of course, YMMV...

 
Just for you, Saigon
            Saigon brought up a great point. September arrives and the whole world seems to turn to pumpkin spice almost like the sand worms from Frank Herbert’s Dune have their own fall festival. Kim and I were at the grocery store and I came 3 different brands of pumpkin ale where a few years ago I could find one and that was searching at World Market. Our favorite product to consider taking a chance on was these but we decided to be weight conscious and just walked away.

            So why do we seem to freak out about the notion of fall and pumpkin spice? I am so thrilled at the moment but I also recognize that come October’s end, I’ll be so done with it. Once again, my wife figures it out perfectly.
            Saigon’s FB rant has been the source of ongoing conversation all day especially during our weekly Kroger shopping trip. Over cocktails after putting away the groceries, Kim suggested this tidbit.” Pumpkin spice is a lot like that first daiquiri of the summer. You haven’t had in a while and it tastes so good at first but eventually you get tired of it then Christmas comes with all those great flavors.”
            My lovely wife has a good point. One can easily argue the commercial appeal on the flavor of pumpkin spice but I think it’s something a little bit more. I honestly believe that as a people most folks are a little afraid of change but the idea of a certain flavor being attached to a certain season makes the shift a little easier and somehow special.  No one ever wants to order Hot Caramel and Sea Salt Cider on the Fourth of July with burgers and dogs but it sure makes sense in the fall.


            We’re one week into September and I already made the kids my pumpkin spice pancakes this morning (mainly because I couldn’t really find anything else to throw in).  I have no doubts I’ll be ordering one of those Lattes this week as I make my daily Starbucks run as well as probably getting a pumpkin muffin or bread too. I’ve already got my Pumpkin Ale flavor picked out from the Growler store downtown. (It’s called Pum-King from South Tier Brewery) It’s just all part of the process as we make the transition from summer to fall. And just about the time I get sick of the bread, the candy, and the flavored coffees, I ‘ll begin to realize that it’s just about time for Carnation to come out with its Christmas Gingerbread flavored Creamer and the cycle continues…..

Sunday, September 1, 2013

What Me Worry? Episode II The Brunswick, GA Saga Continues......



            Last week on Ramblings from the Tide: 
Our intrepid blogger drove the arduous 50 minute drive south to St. Simon’s Island to be the guest of a an old college friend as they attend the Jack Davis Retrospective and Panel. See what happens when things stop getting serious and start getting geeky.
 
 Oh, this also counts as a Photobomb Tuesday. (Yeah, I know it's not Tuesday. I thought we were past all that)

            Ok, so I left off last week where Trotter and I were about to enter the St Simon’s Theatre to see the Jack Davis Tribute Panel. We were patiently waiting outside in the lobby area as the VIPs entered. It was about this time, Nick Meglin walked up. Meglin was a former writer/editor for MAD magazine.

When it comes to celebrities and folks of certain prominence, I’ve always lived by the belief of just walking right up and introducing myself, say thanks for the good work, and beat a hasty retreat. If the celebrity wishes to converse more then we do. If not, I’ve had my moment and got my eventual story to tell. Meglin was in a chatty mood and it was awesome.

I opened the conversation, “Mr. Meglin, I just have to say thanks for all the great work you did at MAD. I can’t express how much MAD had an influence on me growing up and my humor.”

Mr. Meglin didn’t miss a beat,” Oh, I can’t take any blame for that, Sonny. That’s all on you.”

We both laughed. Before I knew it, we were involved in a full fledged conversation as if we were long lost pals. It went so well, the local cable access asked to tape us as we chatted. Meglin had made some joke about getting into trouble reading MAD in school which I said had happened. I also shared how my parents hated me reading MAD as a kid.

“That means we doing something right,” Meglin chuckled and went on to take his seat at the front of the theater.

Meglin, Pittman, Richmond.  Sorry, my cell doesn't have flash
Trotter and I found some decent seats near the front and panel started shortly after. It wasn’t the typical Q&A panel, I’ve attended in the past. The three speakers: Nick Meglin, who’ve we’ve already spoken about. Jack Pittman the former President of the National Cartoonist Society and Tom Richmond, current artist and editor for MAD magazine . Each of the gentlemen spent their time talking not so much about their achievements but on Jack Davis.

By the time it was over, it was quite a well deserved love fest for Jack Davis culminating in the presentation of a scrapbook with congratulatory sketches by some of the top cartoonists in the biz. From our third row seats, Trotter and I could see sketches signed by the current artists for Beetle Bailey, Blondie, and Dick Tracey.

As Mr. Davis exited the building to go across the street for the reception in the art gallery, the panel finally took questions. I asked if anything had ever been banned for being in “too” bad of taste. Richmond talked about having to literally “stop the presses” of the cover issue with Alfred E. Newman running a marathon and breaking the police line tape as if he’d won the race. This cover was coming out the day after 911 and MAD had the foresight to see how a series of crime scenes in NY might not be construed as humorous.

The Gallery who hosted the reception was very nice as were the people. I think what really stood out was the crowd. It was mostly older people but apparently, Davis used to reside here in St. Simon’s so it was more of a reunion with old friends than the art gallery suck ups I was expecting. People were very friendly and that was a good thing because the place was packed.
Trotter brought a copy of his calendar which won the Jack Davis Cup Art Contest and presented Davis with one as a present. Davis is a sweet old guy with horrible hearing so his granddaughter had to do some translating. I got to say the one word which sticks out about Jack Davis is gentleman. He is a true Southern Gentleman and was extremely gracious to everyone who came out form old friends to geeks like Trotter and myself. 
I pondered for a while on what I wanted to get Mr. Davis to sign when it hit me. Remember that Sugar Bowl insert from the 1981AJCI had mentioned? Mr. Davis recognized it and gave a little smile as he signed it to me. It was a bit of a thrill there for me to think a part of my high school memories had been signed by its creator. I just wish I had saved the Southern Bell sticker that I ripped off the pay phone at Six Flags which Davis had illustrated. (I said I was a fan)


 


Laurel & Hardy. Every YHC Alum should have this pic.....

This was a crowd favorite. It's from the 50s and one of the old EC Horror comics Davis had drawn
 


Wish I had gotten better shot because you can see Davis's Creative Process. This was a poster for Little Giants.
 

Probably my favorite of night. One of the few serious paintings on display.
 
TV Guide Cover from 1979 TV show, Soap.
 


I honestly don't see how anyone could have the heart to cut this cake....
 
 
Same w/ cookies but these were gone by my next round.
I don’t know why I didn’t stop to think the reception would also have food and cocktails but I was quite surprised by the spread. It was catered by donations from of all the local eateries and apparently, these guys are big fans of Jack Davis. I filled up on quite a few of the deviled shrimp and hot wings. The real stand out was the dessert table. This cake, as are the cookies, area all based on caricature self portraits of Davis.

My other favorite of the night was this. It was a combination eye dropper/toothpick loaded up with fresh mozzarella, basil, cherry tomato. The dropper was filled w/ balsamic vinegar which you squeezed as you ate the combo. You have to be careful though. I accidently squirted some down my throat and that was unpleasant as well as attention drawing.
 
The other artists were also quite approachable. Here is Tom Richmond conversating with
Trotter. I decided to hang back and listen to the two artists speak which was a wise choice because it got interesting. Richmond started telling Trotter the origins of Alfred E. Newman. Apparently it goes back to a dental ad in the late 19th century. Ol’ Alfie was the cover boy for a painless dentistry advertisement.  The “What? Me Worry?” bit was the company slogan.
AS this night began to wind down, People began pairing off and mingling. We bumped into Ryan, who is one of the Dinner4Geeks guys and buddy to our mutual friend Doke. As Trotter, Ryan, and myself began talking, others floated in and out of the fold. Many were thinking we were fellow artists.
I had no idea how many artists resided in St Simons but I had several conversations with them. Ed Hose was a very nice lady and extremely talented.  Please check out her work here. It’s very cool.
With pictures signed, and the crowd dispersing, Phase 3 was about to commence. Trotter and myself were invited to be a part of the Dinner4Geek’s podcast recording that week. The topic was 4 Core Comic Artists. So who did I pick? Find out in the stunning conclusion to the Brunswick Saga.