Like Step-Papa, Like Step-Daughter

Having Roni and Jude in my life has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve been granted. Jude and I hit it off immediately. We filled a need we both craved in our lives. He needed a guy and I wanted someone to pass down all the Richardson ways of life to. We made our way through a river of pirates, explosions, and a certain Sci Fi movie we both adore to seal what we share.

Roni was trickier and not as easily impressed. We had a rocky relationship which eventually led a huge fight in my dining room. All cards were laid out on a table and I knew that I would have to leave if we couldn’t find some sort of common ground. We did.

Since that rough night last summer, a relationship has been forged where I now have a step daughter and she has what we refer to around the house as “Step-papa.” (It works better if you could hear it said like Christopher Plummer in his Sound of Music outfit) We bump heads frequently which I am guessing is just a hint of what the impending teenage years have in store. Quite honestly, the kid drives me crazy yet as I say this there is a big spot in my heart where Roni has taken over. (Roni doesn’t simply walk into Mordor)

Oddly enough, I recognize it’s our similarities which cause the clashing rather than our differences. Roni has my sense of smart assness and loves to get those zingers in. She can be fearless in waiting for that right moment to pounce then burn the shit out of your ego. It’s a quality that I respect and look forward to her using on boyfriends rather than me.

She has to be right. Being right is a Richardson family characteristic imported over from the Neders and the Mother country. To steal an idea from Game of Thrones, combining a quality like that into both of those houses will create a dragon of their own. I find myself arguing with my step-daughter over bullet points like what she said over dinner last night to what was the Professor’s name on Gilligan’s Island. (It was Roy Hinckely, Jr. by the way). I am 43 and have found the ability to walk away from pointless arguments so please explain to me why I find myself arguing with an eleven year old girl.

Today, the most impacting similarity came to light. I realized we both have disappointing relationships with one of our parents. This is the one that hit me about an hour ago and prompted me to sit down on the couch and write.  Roni’s father and Kim’s ex-husband have been brought up before but never in a positive light.  Quite frankly, he made it easy for me to come in be a Dad to Roni and Jude because he ain’t doing it.  I watch Roni around her father and she is never herself. When Roni is around her father, she makes a point not to make waves. They guy makes big promises with no intentions of fulfilling them and it breaks my little girl’s heart. Yet she says nothing but hugs on her father when he eventually shows up. She’d call me out on that shit in a NY minute.

   Granted the Roni I know and love is sweet, beautiful and intelligent yet I am well aware she has no problem with arguing with me or showing me her darker side when it involves getting her way. She is being herself which is good. I appreciate this because it shows me how Roni is not afraid that I will leave her. It stinks when we are arguing about which Netflix show to watch but I know we are in it for the long haul like I was raised.

Which brings me to me. I am not being honest in my relationship with my mother. The past year has exposed all the cracks and breaks in a relationship that not been healthy for some time. The majority of my decisions over the past four months have somehow revolved in a way either reaching out or trying to make my mother happy. Her actions show she does not want to reach back.

We had a huge sit down before the wedding to try to resolve all the issues brought to a head after the big incident with her boyfriend. I do not like the boyfriend yet invited him to our wedding to show an olive branch. She came to the wedding but bailed out on the reception to be with him. She felt that she had “done her duty” She and the b/f have been invited to Jude’s birthday party, over to dinner several times, and Jude’s first play at the Savannah Children’s Theater. No show.

It kills me because the kids really love her and want to love her as their grandmother. It makes me angry because I can hear Mom sayin to me how people turned their back her after her Dad died. Yet she is now doing the same to us. And we want her in our lives.

Jude was very hurt because she had promised to go to his play. When Kim spoke to her, she was going to be out of town. Jude was crushed. He wanted more people to go see his play.

For the past year, I have been like Roni. For fear of running my mom away, I have sat and taken this constant rejection. I’ve tried to be careful so as not to run Jan away. Kim has pointed out that I have internalized this to be an issue of my creation yet she’s not seeing it. Kim is right. Whatever sin I have done to create this, I have tried to reach out and make up for it several times over. It comes down to the simple fact that my mother no longer wants to be my mom. I am tired of reaching out. I am tired of hurting myself. I am more tired of hurting the ones around me because I carry this huge weight on my shoulders.

I feel for Roni because as I sit and type, I realize just how much I miss my mom and wish that she was a part of our lives like when she used to be Mama Rich. Mama Rich is gone. If I had tried any of this crap and choose not to be around the family like she has done now,  Mama Rich would be on my ass in a second.   

One day I suspect Roni will be at the same crossroads that I appear to be standing at now. I wonder if she will feel the same amount of guilt I feel as I try to decide what I need to do. It scares me as I look in one direction where I try to do what is best for me and family while the other direction focuses on keeping the status quo but with more sleepless nights.

I hope she will know what I know. It feels horribly alone bit I am not. She has a brother that is pretty comparable to the awesomeness that I have in a little sister. Maybe she will have someone in her life like I have Kim. I hope so.

I know this. I will be there because whether I am blood or not, I am her Dad. Someone taught me a long time that Parenting is a lifelong occupation. Besides, we are a lot alike and I know just how this feels.

Ramblings from the Tide: Taking Care of Business

Ramblings from the Tide: Taking Care of Business: The summer of Kim progresses nicely. Routines are establishing themselves. I wake up around 8 with enough time to take Roni to Fashion Des...

Taking Care of Business

The summer of Kim progresses nicely. Routines are establishing themselves. I wake up around 8 with enough time to take Roni to Fashion Design Camp and Jude to Theater Camp. I head back to the house to put off work on the tour and find ways to waste the day as Kim trudges through her mounds of homework. Some days we sneak out and eat lunch where we pretend to be adults without kids. Life is going quite well. Until someone decides to muck it up.

            Kim’s Ex has popped back into the picture and refuses to work and play well with others. For the majority of our relationship, her Ex has been waaaaay in the background. He has shown little interest in the kids’ lives by irregular calls missing birthdays, holidays, and even Roni’s surgeries last summer. He has popped up and dropped by in what feels like a courtesy call. It’s like a bad case of the crabs. You think he’s gone and then “Guess who’s back?”

For the most part I have been silent about my feeling. He is a part of Kim’s life that happened before us. I respect the fact her Ex (Let’s call him X for the blog’s sake) is the birth father and always tried to be cool about it.  He has always been cordial in our dealings. Frankly, I should be threatened by him. The guy is an ex-Ranger  with a college education. He made up to the rank of Major before retiring. X did several tours overseas in Iraq and apparently was in some serious stuff. He lost his leg after going back and working in the private sector in Iraq. On paper, he would give Captain America a run for the money.

Yet, I am not threatened by him in the least.  And I am fed up with his crap.

X never bothered to finish his court ordered program to receive the rights to full visitation with his children even though it was his second chance.  X never bothered to get them on medical insurance after the divorce even though he promised. (Remember, one of those kids is disabled) X never did a lot of things that I am learning should come naturally as a parent.

I tell a lot of funny stories on here about me and the Big Guy. Often we are odds and one of us usually trumps the other. I have not really talked much about what I learned about being a man from my father. (Though, I do assume there is a lot of subtext in that) Ol’ Bob taught me a lot and I find myself using it every day.

The Big Guy is Content. Jack's River Falls 1991

First and foremost, a man takes care of his family. I never got an Atari 2600 and not from a lack of asking. I also never was hungry, needed medical care, or wondered if my Dad loved me and Mary.  I do not see this in X. He has shown none of this in performance, attitude, or track record.

X moved back right around the time Kim and tied the knot. I knew it was a game changer but was curious about what would happen. Based on previous performance, I figured he’d run out of steam by now and fade back into the distance like X usually does. Keep in mind that X has never finished the three steps required to get full visitation. This was almost two years ago. Starting something is no problem. Finishing is another story.

At first, X has tried to maneuver Kim into ways to avoid dealing with this agreement. My favorite quote was along the lines of “Are you really going to follow that plan?” to Kim about six months ago. This pisses me off because the guy was given a second chance and still refuses to do what is required.

I often speak to my teacher buddy, Steve Freenor, because he is also remarried like I am with kids. During our Fourth of July Cookout, he summed it right up and his words have resonated within for over a week.

“If this was important to X, he’d take care of it immediately.”

 A man takes care of his family. Not makes constant excuses.

X wants to have the kids overnight as part of step 3 of the court process yet he was supposed to finish this 2 years ago. For the past month, he has badgered harassed and even threatened to take Kim back to court. It has been borderline harassment we have consulted two attorneys and even the court appointed psychologist who almost laughed because too much time had passed for her observations to be valid.  Kim has been as professional as possible, stayed firm and has put her foot down. She is finally not playing X’s game. I am proud of her.

A pattern has emerged that upsets me greatly. X will send an e-mail where he requests legitimate bits of information regarding the kids’ schedule. Hidden in those e-mails are little nuggets where he gets a dig in on Kim.  Kim has handled this like a pro but I am a Richardson. We take care of our family.

No, I am not going to do anything stupid. 20 year old Robby would have pulled something like that. You are reading about 43 year old Robby. I almost hate to admit that I have matured a bit over the years and finally have learned a bit about dealing with ilk like this.

The one thing I have learned in dealing with problems is to remove the factors that make the issue. X is making Kim’s day harder. No more. Starting today, X is more than welcome to communicate regarding the kids’ schedules, schools, camps, etc. through me.

Between 15 years of social work, Wal-Mart service desk, and teaching, I know a bit regarding dealing with difficult people. I am more than happy to let X know what he needs to know, where to be, when to pick up the kids. He is their father and it is his right to know these things. This is by no means an issue with me.

But Mr. X, I want to get something straight. I respect your rights that come with being a father of two of the most amazing children I have ever had the privilege to love. I also understand any frustrations that come with dealing with an ex-wife (been there, done that, had a bag of lime and a shovel)

You have a history with Kim. I respect that too. But as far as we are concerned from this point on, you interactions will be based upon the needs and wants of our kids. You will leave my wife alone and not play your childish games with her. I am more than happy to showing where to look for whatever necessary and pertinent info you will need. You know what you need to do. Do it. Take care of your business and be a Dad not a father.

As I say to my students, I share with you. Please do not mistake my courtesy for weakness. If High School, Depression, Back Surgery, Losing my Dad, Heart Murmurs, a cavalcade of crazy exes, and Kidney disease didn’t do me in, this is whole situation is a walk in the park. I will happily do what I must because as the greatest man I have ever known once showed me though his works and deeds:

Afterall, A man takes care of his family.

For the first time  in a while, the Bible and I agree

Marty McFly, Catch Phrases, and Just a Little Bit of Shock and Awe

            I think it’s funny how every group comes with its own set of in jokes and references. Mary and I have often joked about writing the Richardson Family Book of In-Jokes which would include words and phrases such as Mug Wump, Cherry Cheeks, Choo-Choo-Wah-Wah, and hour three (which I have already written about).

            As I settle into a daily routine of a house with a wife, two kids, and dogs, I am noticing our own jokes begin and in-references are growing. Jude has way too many to share but I’ll settle with his famous, “Waka, Waka!” he does in a little kid’s voice. Veronica has created her own catch phrase, “Oink!” When Kim screws something up she does this adorable impersonation of the John Hughes movie, Dennis the Menace. “I made a mistake?”

            Being one of those people who constantly quote pop culture, I probably have way too many but for today’s blog; I bring up the Summer of Kim. Last summer, we had what is referred to as the Summer of Robby. It is a phrase borrowed from Seinfeld’s Summer of George. (YouTube, it) Basically, it means I had an amazing summer. Because this summer is proving to be even better, we have continued the joke to become the Summer of Kim. It basically means we are sitting by the pool with hand muddled mojitos and enjoying life as the kids splash themselves to an early bedtime.

            So far Kim and have had out honeymoon where we travelled around the world. Ok, we went to Epcot but we did try to drink our way around the world. Unfortunately, approaching middle age and the fact we have become light weights allowed us to make it as far as Germany before giving up. Good thing too because I have heard stories about the margaritas over in Mexico that were fast approaching.

A quiet moment in a Italian Cafe.

            Now that we are back home with the kids, the Summer of Kim is in full swing. The house is almost unpacked, the kids are happy in their new rooms and the dogs are contributing by digging up the back yard to help rid me of my unknown mole problem. Life is actually pretty good.

            We have been watching movies almost every night before bed. Kim and I have started a project to help round the children. We believe it’s not only important to add culture to Roni and Jude’s life but also to make sure there is a proper amount of pop culture too.

            We began the lessons with Back to the Future. We assumed the kids would love it as much as we did. Heck, BTTF holds a special place in my heart because it was the first movie I went out on a car date with. Imagine my surprise when my sidekick was not amused by the adventures of Marty Mc Fly. Jude was unimpressed and even wanted to stop the movie about 30 minutes in.

            “What’s the matter?” I asked Jude.

            “Marty McFly is a jerk.” Jude said plainly.

            I am very confused. Michael J. Fox is rather endearing and somewhat cool in my book. I look at Jude and ask, “I am confused here. How can you not like Marty McFly?”

            ‘Jude replied,”He is messing with the space time continuum.

            How do you even know what the space time continuum is?

            Jude wrinkles his eyes in disbelief like I have asked if he understands his ABCs.

” Robby, everyone knows not to mess with the fabric of time. Why didn’t he just drive off?  He chooses to go back in time. He is screwing up our future.”

            An awkward silence comes between us as I hear Christopher Lloyd yelling his catch phrase of “Great Scott.” I have this overwhelming urge to ask if I am addressing my step son or a Spock, Jr. Instead I go with a different approach.

            “You do realize that Marty didn’t choose to go back in time but rather was pushed into the circumstance because he was being chased by terrorists?”

            Jude ponders this for a moment. He always gets this serious look like I am getting a glimpse at Adult Jude. A few long seconds pass.

            “OK, Robby that makes sense. I’ll give this movie a chance.” Jude lays back on the futon and stares intently on the screen just in time to watch Marty thwart Biff by skateboarding into Old Man Jone’s Manure Truck.

            Since that conversation, we have worked our way not only through the first BTTF but also the second one as well. After finishing the sequel, the kids were clamoring to watch the third BTTF even though it was 10:30 at night.

            Perspective is a funny thing. I have watched Marty McFly fight to get his self back to 1985 well over a dozen times. Not once have I ever questioned the motives of any of the characters like Jude did. I think it is because I grew up in a time when Science Fiction was still finding its feet with the viewing public. There has always been a certain amount of cerebralness to it but thanks to Capt Kirk and Han Solo, Sci Fi also had a certain Wild West cowboy element in it in my younger years.

            Jude and Roni have come up in a different time. I find it funny that in an age of political correctness and social responsibility, even science fiction reflects these ideals. Kirk has been replaced by Jean Luc Picard and the Prime Directive. Thanks to movies like Star Trek IV and BTTF, concepts like the space time continuum have become common plot points.   I think it’s interesting to see how our audiences are becoming more sophisticated in their plot devices. An eight year old is catching it and then explaining it back to me.

            While it excites me to see how smart Jude and Roni are, it also saddens me a little in that due to their sophisticated palate, it’s going to be more difficult for them to be dazzled. We tried to watch Jason and the Argonauts last night but the DVD was scratched. I was a little glad. They have been brought in a time where dinosaurs and aliens are computer generated. While hopeful, I somehow couldn’t see Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion work wouldn’t shock and awe the kids like it did me at their age. I guess it’s generational.

A true Artist

            I remember being home sick on day back in third grade. The Big Guy stayed home to help out. We watched The Adventures of Superman on Atlanta’s channel 36 with George Reeves. It was the Big Guy’s favorite back when he was a kid. I hated it. The flying sequences were cheesy and the other special effects were on par with something my friends and I could create in the back yard.  It wasn’t until I was much older that I could look past the cheesiness and begin to realize how Superman was actually a pretty well done show for its time. George Reeves does a great Clark Kent and the other actors did well with what they had to work with.

            I am guessing that many years in the future, Roni and Jude will be setting down with their kids and to watch whatever passes for a DVD by that time. They’ll explain to their kids how cool it was when their Mom and Step-dad took them to see The Avengers. The special effects were state of the art. Their kids will laugh at how computer generated the Hulk looks. How silly it was to believe there could be such a thing like the SHIELD Heli-carrier as compared to the orbiting space wheels that would exist in this future. Roni and Jude will be frustrated because all they will remember was the feeling of “wow” and wanting to share that moment with their children.

"Hulk,.....smash." Best line that movie.

            My wish is that at that moment Jude will remember a humid night in June when he had just turned eight. His Mom and Step-Dad were so excited to show him and his sister Back to the Future for the first time. I hope that as he remembers pointing out all the plot holes and things wrong with the movie to his step-dad, he’ll make the connection that the same exact event is re-occurring. The only difference is Jude will be the dad saying, “Now, wait a minute. This is a really awesome movie. Give it chance.”

            Maybe Jude will start using my new catch phrase which I am openly admitting to stealing

 from the Big Guy. “Just shut up and watch the damn movie.”

Who's Your Daddy?

            The first few years after Dad’s death, I used to get frustrated because I never dreamed about him. Obviously, I missed him and wanted a few more minutes even if it was in the dream realm. The worst part about losing Dad was sometimes something really funny would happen like the time Rags got us booted off the Today Show and I’d reach for my phone while laughing to call. Then it would hit me. Damn.

            I finally did dream about him in a dream that I’d rather not recant but it did change my life. The important part was while we stood in a back room of Sharp Memorial Church back in Young Harris, Dad chuckled at my frustration (like he was prone to do). He didn’t understand why I was so upset. I told him I had been looking for him and he wasn’t around.

            Dad made one his funny sounds and told me,” Son, look around. I am right in front of you just like I have always been.  All you have to do is just pay attention which you never do.” He laughed that big laugh that we all remember, hugged me and said, ” Now if you excuse, kind sir, I have to go find you sister and your mother.” He walked off but not away.

Hell Freezes Over Party also known as  My Grad Nite 1995
123 Cunningham

            Ever since then, I dream about him a lot. So much, in fact, it is normal that we hang out in my dreams and I don’t even remember he is gone until I wake up. My frustrations are gone about this too. I usually wake up and smile. I just hope he visits Mary and Mom too.

            As I began the first few paragraphs a little while ago, Roni came up to me and gave me a big hug. “Good morning, Step-Papa,” she said. “Happy First Father’s Day with your new family.” Awesome-sauce.

My little girl. I get to say that now. Awesome.

            Today is the first time in 13 years I have not dreaded this day. My new family has gone out of their way to make me feel special but they do that every day. I appreciate the fact that I now have a day but to be truthful, every day is Father’s Day for me. From scolding Roni for talking back to her mother to yesterday when I yelled at Jude during the yard sale because he couldn’t stay away from my box of action figures I had collected for Mary’s Geek Nativity Scene several years back. You take the good; you take the bad……

            Today is also Jude’s 8^th birthday so we have taken to calling this day, “Man’s Day.” Later we are grilling burgers by the pool and I plan to smoke a few cigars with a nice glass of Maker’s Mark. The only way life could get any better would be if Jimmy Buffett’s tour bus broke down in front of the house and he offered to play Jude’s Birthday Party because he smelled my amazing Cheeseburgers in Paradise and had to have one. But I digress.

"Sir, you rock."
"No, sir, you rock."

            My wish for you today is that you get to find some way to spend time with your father. Whether y’all have something special planned or you just sit around and laugh about that time when. One thing I have learned now that I am Dad is that I can guarantee he is thinking about you. That is what Dad’s do.

Hour Three

            My old Carrollton buddy, Scooter and I used to sit around while drinking copious amounts of cheap booze and would get all creative. For a brief period, we wrote comedy shorts.

            One of my favorites happened to be a spoof on The Wonder Years mashed up with Pete and Pete.  In these shorts, our 8 year old protagonist would go through his trials of life but in a more realistic sense. The one I remember the best was the family vacation in the old station wagon.

            Hour One: The shoot opens on our Happy family in a loaded up station wagon. It is crammed with luggage; a cute dog is snuggled up in the storage space while happily wagging his tail. Songs like, Row, Row, Your Boat and John JacboJingleheimerschimdt would be wafting along the highway as the camera pans along the open road. The Happy Family would be shown to be all smiles and laughs. “I love you Mom and Dad”, would be repeated by the various three children all getting along in the back. Mom and Dad would look clean and pressed as they smile at each other. They know it was a smart decision to take this trip. The camera blacks out as two hands are squeezed over the front seat. It would the family everyone would want to be a part of.

            Hour Two: As our fearless roadster tears across the open plain of interstate, things have gotten quiet. Little sis is reading a Nancy Drew book. One brother stares out of the window, lost in the magic that is Americana. The last brother entertains himself by reading billboards. Dad is repeatedly asking Mom for better directions as she reads an enormous folded out map. Things are well but minor tensions are beginning to create cracks in the foundation.

            Hour Three:  Mom is passed out snoring against her passenger window. Little sis keeps reminding everyone about her need to find a potty. The brother who used to stare out at the magic of America is now making spit wads. The last kid continues to read billboards, loudly. The dog has begun to bark but it is not a regular dog bark. About every 45 seconds, a “yarp” is heard.  The camera moves onto Dad. Pit stains have appeared on what was a freshly ironed shirt. Both hands are tightly gripping the steering wheel. Dads eye have glossed over and one begins to twitch. The viewer can tell a fuse has been lit and awaits the explosion.

            The Billboard kid exclaims, “See Rock City! Can we, Dad?”

            “Yarp”

            “I gotta go potty!”

            Loud snore pops up from the front passenger seat. At that moment someone rips a loud fart which crop dusts the entire car.

            “Would you damn kids shut the hell up, for crissakes! I am trying to drive here!!!” screams the old man. The car becomes silent.

            “I am trying to find a clean place for you to go pee, Dammit! So shut the hell up, Lizzie! No we can’t go see Rock City because it’s five states in the other damn direction and Tommy, if I see one more spit wad, you will not live to see your next birthday.”Helen, Jesus Christ! wake up and roll down a damn window. You’re killing me here. “Dad is not a happy man.

            “Yarp!”

            Dad begins to fumble for a cigarette which he lights with a shaky hand. He unscrews the thermos lid for some coffees. He drinks it like a man lost in the desert with his last cup of water. Dad takes a long drag on the cigarette only to hear a loud snore again and…

            “Yarp!”

            A soothing male voce comes over the air waves. He evokes memories of Daniel Stern’s narrations in The Wonder Years. “Dad used to drink a lot of coffee on those trips….”

            A few days into the marriage, Kim informed how she hated we were living apart even though we had been married for about a week. It was sucking. Our plan was to get married, Kim would finish the semester at SCAD. I would get out of school and then we’d get everything moved over in time for us to take off on the honeymoon. Some plans sound better on paper and we both were miserable.

            It’s no fun being newlyweds and not getting to be together. Kim packed the essentials and moved into the Geeky Hut a few weeks earlier. Over the past two weeks, she has been bringing their belongings over one van load at a time. It’s been slow work but Kim has done an impressive job. I have been arriving home each afternoon and seeing the fruits of her labor. Tables, paintings, and kid’s toys have become to mingle with my former bachelor lifestyle. It’s awesome. We are finally a family under one roof.

            As frustrating as this may sound, the one good thing about this has been how there is no rush to get out of the Richmond Hill house. That was until earlier in the week. Kim received a text from her ex or as I like to refer to him, Satan’s step son. He has decided to move into the house and he’s doing it on Saturday. So much for the idea of a leisurely move.

These bastards are lying to you. No move is this simple.

            Yesterday was the last day of school after one of the roughest weeks I’ve had in a while. It was announced on Wednesday that we’d be having an end of the year meeting at Tubby’s Bar and Grill. Due to dialysis, I have missed every single Tubby’s meetings this year, I was psyched. Until Kim texted me.

            Apparently Satan’s step son arrived at the house with a trailer full of junk. Kim was almost in tears as she described the scene like Sanford & Son. She was embarrassed and felt horrible for the neighbors who were going to have to deal with the impending arrival of the Redneck games. Kim asked me to come over and help after Tubby’s. I knew the right thing to do as a husband was to come over afterschool which I did. Kim was very explicit in saying I could come over later. I also know that Kim can take care of herself but in my heart, I knew I had to be there. If anything, I could be supportive if SSS showed back up with his new girlfriend.

            I also hate moving. Flashbacks of watching the Big Guy freaking out would shortly be arriving in my collective memory. I still remember the melt down of 1974 when I dropped a box of Mom’s crystal while trying to get to my comic books to read. Between the last week of school with horrible children, SSS’s newly rescheduled move-in date, and my hatred of moving, my nerves were shaky.

            I pulled up to the Richmond Hill House to see a 15 foot trailer in Kim’s driveway. Have I mentioned how her Ex is also so redneck that he makes the mountain men in Deliverance look like Harvard Men? The trailer was stuffed with broken boxes, rows of cracked plastic containers, and a jeep that looked like Jude had taken it apart and never bothered put it back together. The only thing missing was a rocking chair tied to the top.  The Sanford & Son song began to go through my head.  

            I don’t really want to go into how the next two hours went. Suffice to say, it went about as smoothly as a move can when two adults have tunnel vision on packing up while two children run underfoot. Kim took Roni’s room while Jude and I worked together on his. The kids’ rooms had the same appearance of the North Pole if Al Qaeda carpet bombed the place.

            It was rough evening. Kim was on edge because she knew SSS would probably pop up at any moment.  He has no real visitation rights because SSS never bothered to complete the court requirements. Instead, SSS likes to put Kim on the spot in front of the kids. He’s a peach.  

            Getting the kids to quit playing with their toys and actually pack them was the social equivalent of scooping up water with a spatula. The cracks on my nerves began to widen.

            I could hear Roni shouting at Kim from the other room as Kim went through the mountain of stuffed animals.  Meanwhile, I was trying to keep Jude focused but all he wanted to do was play with the baggy of army men we had finally put together. For every few army men I could get in the bag, Jude had to “examine” at least one. More fissures appear.

            We load up my car and I’ll go on home and pick up dinner somewhere. I’ve had a few outbursts but nothing bad at this point until…

            Kim came up to the car and asked Jude why he didn’t want his Bionicle collection. Jude looked confused and said he did. We have only spent an hour and half going through his toys. The final breach on my nerve had begun. Crazy Robby is live and reporting on the scene.

            “Are you kidding me? We only spent the whole damn afternoon going through everything,” I heard a crazy man yelling in my car. Hour Three had arrived.

            “I forgot,” a small voice replied. Tears were on the way. Kim just smiled and told Jude not to worry about it because she’d take care of it. She also insisted it was time for us to go and get dinner. Roni began to start in because she was tired.

When Roni gets tired at the end of the day, she begins to channel a little girl who has many of the same qualities of the kid from The Exorcist. Of course it’s worse because after all, Reagan was a little girl possessed by a demon. I have a tired,  hungry eleven year old going through puberty. I’ll take Lucifer if I had my druthers.

Let’s also factor in Jude who is now upset about our new “Fun Friday” might not happen because I told the kids not to bother Kim whom I know is already exhausted and just needs to be left alone to rest up. Jude was crushed because he had been looking forward to pizza, movies, and a game of Star Wars Monopoly all day.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hour Three. It was an eventful car ride but not one I plan to share. Let’s just say opinions were shared. None were positive.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit ashamed of myself. I could remember how I felt when my father would yell at me out of frustration. I am older now recognize how many of those rants were well deserved on my part. But it still hurt.

I love these kids but for the first time yesterday, I was really mad at them. I have a horrible temper which only comes out maybe once or twice in a year. Yesterday was pretty close and those kids didn’t deserve that.

This morning upon reflection, I realize they did many things wrong but I am not justified in my anger. Those kids love that house and yesterday Roni and Jud were forced to say goodbye to a part of their childhood in a rushed manner. It must be hard for the kids to see their toys just thrown across the floor and then leave them. I was trying to force closure for the sake of getting on home.

Roni also had to be close to tears because she desperately loves her real father but he shows no interest in her except when it makes him look good. She knew her father was in town but he made no attempt to see her. Meanwhile the guy who has been trying to be a real Dad to her is acting like an asshole.   

I can’t go back in time to stop what happened but I can learn from mistakes. I know that I am my father’s son which makes me prone to crazy outbursts. Frankly, I am surprised it has taken this long for a meltdown to happen.

One thing I do have that the Big Guy could not do easily is to admit I am wrong. Today, we are taking the day off from unpacking. The kids are going to sleep in late. I haven’t woken Kim up this morning. Today is going to be laid back day. Cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch.

Tonight, I am hosting our first “Fun-Friday-Night-even-if-it’s-Saturday. The theme will be Jimmy Buffett Concert in honor of missing the show up in Atlanta tonight. We are going to have an old fashioned tailgate by the pool. I’ll grill burgers and make some fruity drinks for the whole family while Jimmy sings over Radio Margaritaville.

Sorry guys, about yesterday. I wish I had been more considerate of what you and your brother were going through. Unfortunately, I have tunnel vision when it comes to your Mom. I guess I need to learn how to widen that scope and let you two in as well. I know my heart has plenty of room now if I can just get my brain to listen.  

And Back Again......

             1977 was a banner year in my development. Many blogs ago, I talked about how my Cousin Maria introduced to a little space opera written by one, George Lucas. Later in the fall, the Big Guy would also follow suit.

            Every Tuesday and Thursday s, the Big Guy would pick me up from Northside Elementary. I always loved and hated those days. The Big Guy was notorious for getting caught up in a project which would make him late to the car line for pickup. On the other hand, once picked up, I’d get to go back and explore the Georgia College Library where he was Circulation Director. The stacks were scary to me but also an unexplored area to be tamed by the young fearless explorer, Robby Richardson, Archaeologist to the Stars.

            It was early in November when we walked into his office. An advertisement for a cartoon later on the month was on his some library magazine on the Big Guy’s desk.

            What’s this?” I asked.

            “It’s about that Hobbit cartoon coming out n a few weeks. Looks good,” the Big Guy surmised.

            The picture had a bunch of short guys that I guessed to be dwarves climbing a mountain pass. In the background was a gloomy sky filled with lighting and a dragon that appeared to be screaming. “What’s a hobbit?”

            My father had a look as if I asked who the first president was. “You trying to tell me that you can rattle off these space alien names like Dark Raider, Han Solo, and Dr. Spock but you can’t recognize a classic piece of literature? “

            I stared blankly as I fought the urge to make corrections in a long line of pop culture references exchanges between us. I choose wisely.

            “We can fix this.” The Big Guy leapt up from behind his desk and took my hand. We headed to the library stacks.

            We searched for about 5 minutes when I heard him exclaim in triumph. The Big Guy handed me a book which would change my life. It was by some guy named Tolkien and was called simply, ‘The Hobbit. What the hell was this hobbit guy?

            Over the next few weeks I would discover and then watch the cartoon which mesmerized me. My favorite part was toward the end when we see Bilbo Baggins as an older “hobbit” and he had written his book, There And Back Again: A Hobbit’s Tale.

            Many of those elements hit notes with young Explorer Robby. How could I not enjoy dwarves seeking gold against a backdrop of goblins, elves, and a talking dragon? I was looking over this today and wondering how I have not re-read this since college. When I finish this last Game of Thrones book, I am going to read it to Jude.

            Yet The Hobbit struck a chord in me which opened up a whole other can of worms in my life. The process of the journey. I loved how Bilbo left the comfort of his home, made this perilous journey, and then returned a better person and got to live on to become fat and happy. For the rest of my life, I became obsessed with “journey” stories. My bookcase is filled with them from A Walk Across America to Prince of Tides.

            Yesterday was the five year mark for my return to Savannah. Back on 2007, I was pretty broken up. I had lost my job, forced to begin dialysis, divorced, and my dog, Belle, was just holding on due to old age. She would have to be put down a few weeks later. Second worst day of my life.  Using the word broken fells melodramatic but it’s an apt description.

            I was angry too. I joke about being married to Satan’s Step-daughter but she did screw me over without the courtesy of lube. I was pissed about my kidneys going. I was pretty much Peter Piss Off. I hated my new school and trying to learn the bullshit politics. Everything just blew.

            Yesterday, I threw out the coffeepot I had to go and buy at Wal-mart to replace the one Satan’s step-daughter ran off with. In its place sits a fancy Cuisinart courtesy of my new wife. I look around the forest of boxes, tables, piles of household ends as I try to help in merging of two separate households. I have to stop and take a breath just to realize just how far I have come in five years.

            I didn’t out riddle  Gollum for my life, fight my way out a giant spider’s web or even float out in a barrel to escape Rivendell. A few comparisons could be drawn between outwitting the talking dragon and dealing with the ex but she’s had enough screen time here.     

Over the past five years, I have finally made my own personal journey. I hit the bottom hard and not even on my own two feet. Somehow through some amazing friends, family I can count on, and the love of a good woman, I stand here today in front of my own hobbit hole.

Don’t bother looking for dwarf gold, it’s been replaced by two hysterical kids who love to interrupt me and always make me laugh when I am trying to be an adult. You won’t find any magic spells or angry wizards. The only magic in this house are the looks Kim and I exchange when she looks up from what she is doing and I begin to feel flush. That, my friend, is mojo.

           And the one ring to rule them all? I’m wearing it……