Marty McFly, Catch Phrases, and Just a Little Bit of Shock and Awe

            I think it’s funny how every group comes with its own set of in jokes and references. Mary and I have often joked about writing the Richardson Family Book of In-Jokes which would include words and phrases such as Mug Wump, Cherry Cheeks, Choo-Choo-Wah-Wah, and hour three (which I have already written about).

            As I settle into a daily routine of a house with a wife, two kids, and dogs, I am noticing our own jokes begin and in-references are growing. Jude has way too many to share but I’ll settle with his famous, “Waka, Waka!” he does in a little kid’s voice. Veronica has created her own catch phrase, “Oink!” When Kim screws something up she does this adorable impersonation of the John Hughes movie, Dennis the Menace. “I made a mistake?”

            Being one of those people who constantly quote pop culture, I probably have way too many but for today’s blog; I bring up the Summer of Kim. Last summer, we had what is referred to as the Summer of Robby. It is a phrase borrowed from Seinfeld’s Summer of George. (YouTube, it) Basically, it means I had an amazing summer. Because this summer is proving to be even better, we have continued the joke to become the Summer of Kim. It basically means we are sitting by the pool with hand muddled mojitos and enjoying life as the kids splash themselves to an early bedtime.

            So far Kim and have had out honeymoon where we travelled around the world. Ok, we went to Epcot but we did try to drink our way around the world. Unfortunately, approaching middle age and the fact we have become light weights allowed us to make it as far as Germany before giving up. Good thing too because I have heard stories about the margaritas over in Mexico that were fast approaching.

A quiet moment in a Italian Cafe.

            Now that we are back home with the kids, the Summer of Kim is in full swing. The house is almost unpacked, the kids are happy in their new rooms and the dogs are contributing by digging up the back yard to help rid me of my unknown mole problem. Life is actually pretty good.

            We have been watching movies almost every night before bed. Kim and I have started a project to help round the children. We believe it’s not only important to add culture to Roni and Jude’s life but also to make sure there is a proper amount of pop culture too.

            We began the lessons with Back to the Future. We assumed the kids would love it as much as we did. Heck, BTTF holds a special place in my heart because it was the first movie I went out on a car date with. Imagine my surprise when my sidekick was not amused by the adventures of Marty Mc Fly. Jude was unimpressed and even wanted to stop the movie about 30 minutes in.

            “What’s the matter?” I asked Jude.

            “Marty McFly is a jerk.” Jude said plainly.

            I am very confused. Michael J. Fox is rather endearing and somewhat cool in my book. I look at Jude and ask, “I am confused here. How can you not like Marty McFly?”

            ‘Jude replied,”He is messing with the space time continuum.

            How do you even know what the space time continuum is?

            Jude wrinkles his eyes in disbelief like I have asked if he understands his ABCs.

” Robby, everyone knows not to mess with the fabric of time. Why didn’t he just drive off?  He chooses to go back in time. He is screwing up our future.”

            An awkward silence comes between us as I hear Christopher Lloyd yelling his catch phrase of “Great Scott.” I have this overwhelming urge to ask if I am addressing my step son or a Spock, Jr. Instead I go with a different approach.

            “You do realize that Marty didn’t choose to go back in time but rather was pushed into the circumstance because he was being chased by terrorists?”

            Jude ponders this for a moment. He always gets this serious look like I am getting a glimpse at Adult Jude. A few long seconds pass.

            “OK, Robby that makes sense. I’ll give this movie a chance.” Jude lays back on the futon and stares intently on the screen just in time to watch Marty thwart Biff by skateboarding into Old Man Jone’s Manure Truck.

            Since that conversation, we have worked our way not only through the first BTTF but also the second one as well. After finishing the sequel, the kids were clamoring to watch the third BTTF even though it was 10:30 at night.

            Perspective is a funny thing. I have watched Marty McFly fight to get his self back to 1985 well over a dozen times. Not once have I ever questioned the motives of any of the characters like Jude did. I think it is because I grew up in a time when Science Fiction was still finding its feet with the viewing public. There has always been a certain amount of cerebralness to it but thanks to Capt Kirk and Han Solo, Sci Fi also had a certain Wild West cowboy element in it in my younger years.

            Jude and Roni have come up in a different time. I find it funny that in an age of political correctness and social responsibility, even science fiction reflects these ideals. Kirk has been replaced by Jean Luc Picard and the Prime Directive. Thanks to movies like Star Trek IV and BTTF, concepts like the space time continuum have become common plot points.   I think it’s interesting to see how our audiences are becoming more sophisticated in their plot devices. An eight year old is catching it and then explaining it back to me.

            While it excites me to see how smart Jude and Roni are, it also saddens me a little in that due to their sophisticated palate, it’s going to be more difficult for them to be dazzled. We tried to watch Jason and the Argonauts last night but the DVD was scratched. I was a little glad. They have been brought in a time where dinosaurs and aliens are computer generated. While hopeful, I somehow couldn’t see Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion work wouldn’t shock and awe the kids like it did me at their age. I guess it’s generational.

A true Artist

            I remember being home sick on day back in third grade. The Big Guy stayed home to help out. We watched The Adventures of Superman on Atlanta’s channel 36 with George Reeves. It was the Big Guy’s favorite back when he was a kid. I hated it. The flying sequences were cheesy and the other special effects were on par with something my friends and I could create in the back yard.  It wasn’t until I was much older that I could look past the cheesiness and begin to realize how Superman was actually a pretty well done show for its time. George Reeves does a great Clark Kent and the other actors did well with what they had to work with.

            I am guessing that many years in the future, Roni and Jude will be setting down with their kids and to watch whatever passes for a DVD by that time. They’ll explain to their kids how cool it was when their Mom and Step-dad took them to see The Avengers. The special effects were state of the art. Their kids will laugh at how computer generated the Hulk looks. How silly it was to believe there could be such a thing like the SHIELD Heli-carrier as compared to the orbiting space wheels that would exist in this future. Roni and Jude will be frustrated because all they will remember was the feeling of “wow” and wanting to share that moment with their children.

"Hulk,.....smash." Best line that movie.

            My wish is that at that moment Jude will remember a humid night in June when he had just turned eight. His Mom and Step-Dad were so excited to show him and his sister Back to the Future for the first time. I hope that as he remembers pointing out all the plot holes and things wrong with the movie to his step-dad, he’ll make the connection that the same exact event is re-occurring. The only difference is Jude will be the dad saying, “Now, wait a minute. This is a really awesome movie. Give it chance.”

            Maybe Jude will start using my new catch phrase which I am openly admitting to stealing

 from the Big Guy. “Just shut up and watch the damn movie.”

Hour Three

            My old Carrollton buddy, Scooter and I used to sit around while drinking copious amounts of cheap booze and would get all creative. For a brief period, we wrote comedy shorts.

            One of my favorites happened to be a spoof on The Wonder Years mashed up with Pete and Pete.  In these shorts, our 8 year old protagonist would go through his trials of life but in a more realistic sense. The one I remember the best was the family vacation in the old station wagon.

            Hour One: The shoot opens on our Happy family in a loaded up station wagon. It is crammed with luggage; a cute dog is snuggled up in the storage space while happily wagging his tail. Songs like, Row, Row, Your Boat and John JacboJingleheimerschimdt would be wafting along the highway as the camera pans along the open road. The Happy Family would be shown to be all smiles and laughs. “I love you Mom and Dad”, would be repeated by the various three children all getting along in the back. Mom and Dad would look clean and pressed as they smile at each other. They know it was a smart decision to take this trip. The camera blacks out as two hands are squeezed over the front seat. It would the family everyone would want to be a part of.

            Hour Two: As our fearless roadster tears across the open plain of interstate, things have gotten quiet. Little sis is reading a Nancy Drew book. One brother stares out of the window, lost in the magic that is Americana. The last brother entertains himself by reading billboards. Dad is repeatedly asking Mom for better directions as she reads an enormous folded out map. Things are well but minor tensions are beginning to create cracks in the foundation.

            Hour Three:  Mom is passed out snoring against her passenger window. Little sis keeps reminding everyone about her need to find a potty. The brother who used to stare out at the magic of America is now making spit wads. The last kid continues to read billboards, loudly. The dog has begun to bark but it is not a regular dog bark. About every 45 seconds, a “yarp” is heard.  The camera moves onto Dad. Pit stains have appeared on what was a freshly ironed shirt. Both hands are tightly gripping the steering wheel. Dads eye have glossed over and one begins to twitch. The viewer can tell a fuse has been lit and awaits the explosion.

            The Billboard kid exclaims, “See Rock City! Can we, Dad?”

            “Yarp”

            “I gotta go potty!”

            Loud snore pops up from the front passenger seat. At that moment someone rips a loud fart which crop dusts the entire car.

            “Would you damn kids shut the hell up, for crissakes! I am trying to drive here!!!” screams the old man. The car becomes silent.

            “I am trying to find a clean place for you to go pee, Dammit! So shut the hell up, Lizzie! No we can’t go see Rock City because it’s five states in the other damn direction and Tommy, if I see one more spit wad, you will not live to see your next birthday.”Helen, Jesus Christ! wake up and roll down a damn window. You’re killing me here. “Dad is not a happy man.

            “Yarp!”

            Dad begins to fumble for a cigarette which he lights with a shaky hand. He unscrews the thermos lid for some coffees. He drinks it like a man lost in the desert with his last cup of water. Dad takes a long drag on the cigarette only to hear a loud snore again and…

            “Yarp!”

            A soothing male voce comes over the air waves. He evokes memories of Daniel Stern’s narrations in The Wonder Years. “Dad used to drink a lot of coffee on those trips….”

            A few days into the marriage, Kim informed how she hated we were living apart even though we had been married for about a week. It was sucking. Our plan was to get married, Kim would finish the semester at SCAD. I would get out of school and then we’d get everything moved over in time for us to take off on the honeymoon. Some plans sound better on paper and we both were miserable.

            It’s no fun being newlyweds and not getting to be together. Kim packed the essentials and moved into the Geeky Hut a few weeks earlier. Over the past two weeks, she has been bringing their belongings over one van load at a time. It’s been slow work but Kim has done an impressive job. I have been arriving home each afternoon and seeing the fruits of her labor. Tables, paintings, and kid’s toys have become to mingle with my former bachelor lifestyle. It’s awesome. We are finally a family under one roof.

            As frustrating as this may sound, the one good thing about this has been how there is no rush to get out of the Richmond Hill house. That was until earlier in the week. Kim received a text from her ex or as I like to refer to him, Satan’s step son. He has decided to move into the house and he’s doing it on Saturday. So much for the idea of a leisurely move.

These bastards are lying to you. No move is this simple.

            Yesterday was the last day of school after one of the roughest weeks I’ve had in a while. It was announced on Wednesday that we’d be having an end of the year meeting at Tubby’s Bar and Grill. Due to dialysis, I have missed every single Tubby’s meetings this year, I was psyched. Until Kim texted me.

            Apparently Satan’s step son arrived at the house with a trailer full of junk. Kim was almost in tears as she described the scene like Sanford & Son. She was embarrassed and felt horrible for the neighbors who were going to have to deal with the impending arrival of the Redneck games. Kim asked me to come over and help after Tubby’s. I knew the right thing to do as a husband was to come over afterschool which I did. Kim was very explicit in saying I could come over later. I also know that Kim can take care of herself but in my heart, I knew I had to be there. If anything, I could be supportive if SSS showed back up with his new girlfriend.

            I also hate moving. Flashbacks of watching the Big Guy freaking out would shortly be arriving in my collective memory. I still remember the melt down of 1974 when I dropped a box of Mom’s crystal while trying to get to my comic books to read. Between the last week of school with horrible children, SSS’s newly rescheduled move-in date, and my hatred of moving, my nerves were shaky.

            I pulled up to the Richmond Hill House to see a 15 foot trailer in Kim’s driveway. Have I mentioned how her Ex is also so redneck that he makes the mountain men in Deliverance look like Harvard Men? The trailer was stuffed with broken boxes, rows of cracked plastic containers, and a jeep that looked like Jude had taken it apart and never bothered put it back together. The only thing missing was a rocking chair tied to the top.  The Sanford & Son song began to go through my head.  

            I don’t really want to go into how the next two hours went. Suffice to say, it went about as smoothly as a move can when two adults have tunnel vision on packing up while two children run underfoot. Kim took Roni’s room while Jude and I worked together on his. The kids’ rooms had the same appearance of the North Pole if Al Qaeda carpet bombed the place.

            It was rough evening. Kim was on edge because she knew SSS would probably pop up at any moment.  He has no real visitation rights because SSS never bothered to complete the court requirements. Instead, SSS likes to put Kim on the spot in front of the kids. He’s a peach.  

            Getting the kids to quit playing with their toys and actually pack them was the social equivalent of scooping up water with a spatula. The cracks on my nerves began to widen.

            I could hear Roni shouting at Kim from the other room as Kim went through the mountain of stuffed animals.  Meanwhile, I was trying to keep Jude focused but all he wanted to do was play with the baggy of army men we had finally put together. For every few army men I could get in the bag, Jude had to “examine” at least one. More fissures appear.

            We load up my car and I’ll go on home and pick up dinner somewhere. I’ve had a few outbursts but nothing bad at this point until…

            Kim came up to the car and asked Jude why he didn’t want his Bionicle collection. Jude looked confused and said he did. We have only spent an hour and half going through his toys. The final breach on my nerve had begun. Crazy Robby is live and reporting on the scene.

            “Are you kidding me? We only spent the whole damn afternoon going through everything,” I heard a crazy man yelling in my car. Hour Three had arrived.

            “I forgot,” a small voice replied. Tears were on the way. Kim just smiled and told Jude not to worry about it because she’d take care of it. She also insisted it was time for us to go and get dinner. Roni began to start in because she was tired.

When Roni gets tired at the end of the day, she begins to channel a little girl who has many of the same qualities of the kid from The Exorcist. Of course it’s worse because after all, Reagan was a little girl possessed by a demon. I have a tired,  hungry eleven year old going through puberty. I’ll take Lucifer if I had my druthers.

Let’s also factor in Jude who is now upset about our new “Fun Friday” might not happen because I told the kids not to bother Kim whom I know is already exhausted and just needs to be left alone to rest up. Jude was crushed because he had been looking forward to pizza, movies, and a game of Star Wars Monopoly all day.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hour Three. It was an eventful car ride but not one I plan to share. Let’s just say opinions were shared. None were positive.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit ashamed of myself. I could remember how I felt when my father would yell at me out of frustration. I am older now recognize how many of those rants were well deserved on my part. But it still hurt.

I love these kids but for the first time yesterday, I was really mad at them. I have a horrible temper which only comes out maybe once or twice in a year. Yesterday was pretty close and those kids didn’t deserve that.

This morning upon reflection, I realize they did many things wrong but I am not justified in my anger. Those kids love that house and yesterday Roni and Jud were forced to say goodbye to a part of their childhood in a rushed manner. It must be hard for the kids to see their toys just thrown across the floor and then leave them. I was trying to force closure for the sake of getting on home.

Roni also had to be close to tears because she desperately loves her real father but he shows no interest in her except when it makes him look good. She knew her father was in town but he made no attempt to see her. Meanwhile the guy who has been trying to be a real Dad to her is acting like an asshole.   

I can’t go back in time to stop what happened but I can learn from mistakes. I know that I am my father’s son which makes me prone to crazy outbursts. Frankly, I am surprised it has taken this long for a meltdown to happen.

One thing I do have that the Big Guy could not do easily is to admit I am wrong. Today, we are taking the day off from unpacking. The kids are going to sleep in late. I haven’t woken Kim up this morning. Today is going to be laid back day. Cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch.

Tonight, I am hosting our first “Fun-Friday-Night-even-if-it’s-Saturday. The theme will be Jimmy Buffett Concert in honor of missing the show up in Atlanta tonight. We are going to have an old fashioned tailgate by the pool. I’ll grill burgers and make some fruity drinks for the whole family while Jimmy sings over Radio Margaritaville.

Sorry guys, about yesterday. I wish I had been more considerate of what you and your brother were going through. Unfortunately, I have tunnel vision when it comes to your Mom. I guess I need to learn how to widen that scope and let you two in as well. I know my heart has plenty of room now if I can just get my brain to listen.