Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year's Revolutions

To say that my soon-to-be step son cracks me up is an understatement. Jude is hilarious. It amazes me to watch this seven-year-old who already has his comic timing down. The kid is funny. I could write an entire blog just on just stuff that comes out of his mouth. The best part is that it’s not always funny because Jude is trying to amuse. He has a very serious and deadpan way of speaking. Jude cracks us up constantly with his matter of fact view of life.  
Jude and his big sis, Roni. Where one is, the other follows. Pretty cool.

            Last night Kim and I cooked ham, greens, black eyed peas, and corn bread for our New Year’s Dinner. It was awesome. Kim can cook some kick ass greens. While sitting at dinner the following conversation happened after Jude almost knocked his milk over due to being careless.
            “Dude, you’ve got to work on being careful at the table. This is my roommate’s table cloth and I do believe I’ve seen some grape jelly stained on a one of the chairs that is also not mine.” I peered down at Jude with my serious look.
            Jude put his fork down as if it would aid his contemplations and I could tell he was thinking very seriously about something. He began to nod his little head as he looked up at me and replied, “Yes, I think I’ll make my New Year’s Revolution to have better table manners.”
            Laughter breaks out at the use of ‘revolutions” instead of New Year’s “resolutions.”
            Jude’s thoughts are on a roll and he continues speaking to me in his matter-of-fact tone. “Yours should be using please and thank you more.” Then Jude resumes eating.

            What can I say? My sidekick is right. As a personal rule, I gave up “revolutions” years ago. For the past ten years or so, I just made up silly ones like “this is the year I beat heroin’ or one year I actually decided it would be to get a tattoo which I did on my 33rd birthday. I never really took them seriously but this year I’ve going to give it a try. I’m still throwing in some fun ones because that’s how I roll but otherwise, I’m giving it a shot.

Robby’s 2012 New Year’s Revolutions
1.      I am going to work on using please and thank you more with my fiancĂ©’ and step kids.
2.      I am not going to exercise but will work on being a healthier person.
3.      I will not compost.
4.      I will not teach the dogs to play chess.
5.      I will play more video games and finish Star Wars Saga Lego’s with at least 90 percent.
6.      The Afternoon Tide will get off the ground like I have planned as well as the “big project” that will make Lou Manglass & I millionaires.
7.      I am going to explore the works of Gene Sheperd especially the radio stuff.
8.      I am getting serious with the story telling and will work my way up to at least 3 events this year.
9.      I am bringing back sexy. Maybe while wearing a codpiece….
10.  I will clean up the yard and make it look really cool.
11.  I will save up some cash Kim and I can have a kick ass honey moon.
12.  I will start writing short stories.
13.  I will label all Xmas decoration boxes in garage with the words, “Charlie Sheen Shrine.” Winning!
14.  I will not fake my own death in an attempt to teach better bicycle safety to Roni and Jude. Again.
15.  I will not hide then jump out of the laundry hamper in an effort to frighten Kim. That was a bad, bad idea…..
16.  I will continue to hate the recorder and any music that comes from it.
17.  I will try to surprise Kim by taking her out more and arrange for the babysitter.
18.  When asked for my name while ordering lunch at Panera, I will stop saying, “MC Bootylicious.”
19.  No more wire hangers! Or maybe no more hanging wires. I get confused….
20.   I will work on being the best soon-to-be-step-father-and-husband-that I can be.

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