Neil Gaiman is one of
my favorite authors. David Dowd turned me on to him waaay back in 1989 during
one of our infamous stints as camp counselors at Camp Glisson. David had
started reading some comic called Sandman. One or two issues and I was sucked
into Gaiman’s writing where stories were told against the backdrop of dreams.
One of my favorite supporting characters was Lucien the Librarian of the Dream
Realm. Lucien was responsible for sorting and keeping not just all the stories
ever told but also those that were “dreamed off.” Needless to say, Lucien had a pretty big
library complete with what David and I referred to as the Stephen King Wing.
I share this because it sort of sets up my line of
thinking. My last blog was in March and so much has happened since then. Loads
of rich materials for me to mine for some great stories have passed back and
forth in front of me. Don’t think I haven’t sat there and tried to weave a few
new stories to share. Over the past two weeks, I have my share of blogs for
Lucien to keep track of. There are at least three unfinished blogs stored on my
jump drive. Frankly, I have worries this one won’t make it either.
At first, I just chalked it up to lack of focus. No one
has ever accused Robby Richardson of being highly focused and motivated. After
that, I just figured I was swamped between school, getting the kids to where
they needed to be, dialysis needs, and preparing for Mary’s wedding. That wasn’t it either.
My problem is actually quite ironic in that I had always hoped
my blog would gather a small following but I never anticipated it being used
against me or my family. I started this blog several months before I met my now
lovely talented wife Kim. She also writes an outstanding blog. For the first
time in my life, I really enjoyed the actual process of writing and then
sharing which helped me to grow. Historically, when I write, I come up with a
topic and if it sticks in my head for a bit, I just sit down and try to write
as honestly as possible.
Many moons ago, I wrote about an individual who kept
popping up into our lives in a non-productive manner and I used this blog twice
as a forum to vent my frustrations. In spite of never actually naming this
individual or using any real information that could be linked to him, this leads
to Kim in court mediation. The bottom line means Kim has agreed to no longer
use this individual’s name in her blog and I have also followed suit.
(Ironically, I have never actually used his name but stuck to the nick name, “The
Lurker”.)
This is the hard part to talk about. First, I don’t like
to be told what to do especially when expressing myself. I had considered dropping
the blog for quite some time. Truth be told, I was actually a small part of the
equation and most of this court stuff was focused on Kim. I think my part was
more of an afterthought by the lurker so I have tried to support my wife by not
rocking the boat.
It may sound odd but it’s hard to write in your own voice
while second guessing all that you write. I’d ask myself as I type, “If I type
this, can it be turned back on Kim and myself?” I also found myself trying to
find clever ways to strike back. “Look at my beautiful family,” I’d think. “See
what you missed out on?” But as I’d write, I began to see how this thinly
veiled form of contempt began to poison my writing. I wasn’t just playing the
Lurker’s game but allowing myself to get sucked in. I tried to write about
other things going on but somehow I always returned to a dig at the Lurker.
You never saw any of those blogs. Those guys have gone
the way of the dodo. I’m glad I never printed those. I told some pretty neat
stories like going to the Daddy-Daughter Dance with Roni, Kim’s Mother Day,
Free Comic Book Day with Jude and his cousins, and my sister’s awesome wedding.
Yet as special as these moments were to me, the writing was tainted by my
constant need to thumb my nose at the Lurker as he frustrated my wife and upset
our statjus quo. That’s not right and I freely admit it. It’s also not right to
you as a reader. I have tried to share anecdotes about my life and the joys of
being a step-dad and I allowed pettiness cloud my judgment.
I don’t apologize for the previous entries. They were
written honestly and from my heart. I didn’t lie or do those original blogs to call
anyone out. There was no malice involved. It was an honest peek into the Life
of Robby on that particular day. I won’t allow myself to say I’ll never write
another entry like those again either. If I do, I do promise that it’s done
because it’s a relevant situation and not a way to get a dig in. It’s taken me
a few months to get here but I’d like to think by calling out the elephant in
the room, I can move ahead as a writer and a storyteller. From here on out, I plan to keep writing without fear of reprisal and more importantly,not using my stories as a weapon.
I’d also like to reiterate something I wrote a long time
ago. My hand is always outstretched to work together, Mr. Lurker. For the sake and well being of those two
little beings that I love dearly, I’ll gladly put myself out on a limb and
always will. We don't have to agree but when we bicker, it's the kids who pay the price. Meet me halfway, dude....
Now if you’ll excuse me folks, it’s my first day of
summer break and I have a young lady I promised to take to lunch with her
mother. Summer is here and it’s time to make it count…..
