Being a teacher usually leads to the need for a second
job to supplement the actual career. I’ve always made a point to find part time
jobs that were fun in some aspects. When I moved back to Savannah, I became a
ghost tour guide. During my first marriage, I’d escape Satan’s Step Daughter to
the boys club which was Charlie’s Package Store. During my Snellville days, I
worked part time at a bookstore that I think has gone out of business called
Chapter 11.
During my three years selling books I had some
outstanding experiences. The opportunity arose to re-touch base with author,
Terry Kay and YHC alum, Zell Miller. The author who wrote the Junie B. Jones series refused to travel
so the publishers sent out an actress to play the title character who’d show up
in a purple school bus. Imagine my
surprise when “Junie” hit on me after her show while I thought I was just being
helpful by suggesting decent places to eat nearby. Awkward.
There
was an outstanding day when Oliver North announced over conservative talk radio
how be signing at our store later that day he’d love to personalize each and
every copy of his book which went directly against the strict orders given by
his handlers/publishers. My entire day was spent dealing with pre-Tea Party
readers and how I was wrong to deny customers.
At one point some guy from NC was shouting at me via his
phone how I didn’t know shit because he heard Ol’ Ollie say he’s personalize on
Sean Hannity. I took a moment in reminding my caller who he was speaking of the
same guy who lied to Congress so what chance did any of us have for anything being
true? The only sound was the laughter of my manager who was motioning for me to
just go ahead and hang up the phone.
This particular event would lead me to another book
signing where the author had requested volunteer staff who were assertive and familiar
with his work. It was 2005 so this guy hadn’t hit the pop culture status he has
now. I knew him from the Evil Dead
movies, the Sam Raimi Spider-Mans, and Xena. Only one other co-worker, Sandy my
asst manager, had any idea why we should be getting excited about the chance to
work with Bruce Campbell so we signed right up and was accepted.
Campbell was in town promoting his new book Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way and
decided to hold a screening of his first attempt at directing his own picture The Man with the Screaming Brain. By
this point, I had worked several signings but never been to a screening before
so to quote REM, I was feeling “kind of psyched.”
About an hour before the Plaza Theater opened its doors for the
signing, Sandy and I were given the task
of going through the line and passing out index cards for the attendees to
write their names for personalized autographs. (You’d be surprised at the
number of authors or their handlers who don’t go for the personalized touch but
unlike Ollie’s folks, Bruce was all about it).
The
line wrapped around the Plaza theatre and well into the sidewalk along the
street. It was also the craziest assortment of people I had ever seen at a
signing. Even Sandy was taken off guard and she’d been with Chapter 11 for ten
plus years. The crowd looked as if Dragon Con had dropped off all their Evil
Dead fans right in the parking lot of the Plaza Theatre. It would also be Chapter
11’s only time that I had the honor of sharing with the crowd how chain saws wouldn’t
be allowed inside for the signing. After
a huge crowd sighing “Awwwww” about fifty people walked back to their cars to lock
up said apparatuses.
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| borrowed from http://blog.analogmedium.com/2007/08/stacy-attack-of-schoolgirl-zombies-2001.html |
With
that uncomfortable chore finished, Sandy and I returned inside just in time to
have our own meet and greet with the most famous chin in Hollywood, Bruce
Campbell. I was very impressed with how gracious Campbell was and insisted we
all call him Bruce. After some questions and joking around, Bruce got right
down to business.
Bruce
started off, “I want to take a sec to thank you guys from your normal routine.
I am guessing this is your normal crowd you guys deal with at these singings.”
After a laugh or two from us, he went on,” I realize there are some Grade A weirdoes
out there and some are just downright scary but I want you guys to realize
those weirdoes got me here and help put food on my family’s table.”
Campbell
went on for a few more minutes and I realized how in addition to being a nice
guy, he was also pretty sharp on the best way to play a room. He was the first
to admit how he was nowhere close to big Hollywood bucks so these people had to
walk away feeling great about meeting Bruce. Campbell also interjected that if
he spent five minutes with each person we’d get out sometime next week so it’s
also imperative to keep the crowd moving.
At this point, he requested an
assistant to stand beside him to keep things going and had no problems telling
one of the attendees “no” to things like pictures and such. Odd how Sandy and
the other Chapter 11 volunteers all turned and looked at me.
“Big
man, “Bruce Campbell said looking at me. “You up to this task? Your job is to
take the brunt when the fans are irritated they don’t get what they want. No
shame in saying no.”
“I
work with special ed high school kids kicked out of their regular schools and one
step from prison.” I responded to the Evil Dead star with a smile.
“Shit,
I should hire you on fulltime, Big man. What’s your name? ” We both laughed and
a partnership was created.
So
that was my next four hours with Bruce Campbell. He’d sit at his table while I
stood next to him and would interject when someone wanted a pic with him.
“Oh,
I’m sorry, Mr. Campbell but time doesn’t allow for this.” Became my patented
response as Bruce would look hurt leaving the fans sympathetic to him while I
received more than my fair share of boos and hisses. We were both playing a role here and I was
actually digging mine.
Campbell
was shrewd. When I’d say no to a fan for whatever various reason, he’d stop and
talk personally with them about a variety of subjects ranging from the best
places to eat around Atlanta to his favorite drink recipes. I began to realize it
was Campbell’s way of personalizing the fan experience so each fan walked away
with a special moment with Bruce. Pretty cool and I learned how to make mean Dark
and Stormy.
 |
| Campbell also suggested garnish w/ coconut |
About
three hours in, Bruce said he needed to take a break from all the signings. He
got up and began to walk to the restroom when he turned to me and whispered, “You’re
my body guard on this one, Robby. I gotta pee and don’t really want my fans to
see all of me if you know what I mean.” We both chuckled as I escorted Bruce
Campbell to the restroom.
I
stood outside the restroom as the Plaza staff put up those velvet ropes keeping
the hallway clear. It was then when I also began to feel that pressing need to
pee too and realized matters must be dealt with. I walked in the Plaza’s
restroom leaving a buffer urinal between us and commenced business.
“Sorry,
Mr. Campbell, I said as I relieved myself. “I swear I’m not a perv but had to
really pee too.”
Bruce
Campbell laughed. “No worries and it’s Bruce. Mr. Campbell is my dad, Robby”
We
both stood in silence and peed.
It’s
an unspoken law between men that while peeing you do the following:
1.
Eyes forward with no accidental side glances
2.
Draw
no attention to yourself
3.
You
also do not speak to others around you
(unless drunk )
Imagine
my surprise as Bruce Campbell becomes Chatty Frickin’ Cathy while we are
peeing. “So you do a
lot of these signings, Rob?”
I am frozen because all man rules are being broken here.
I know everything is on the up-and-up but still bathroom stuff has always made
me self conscious. My brain was a whirl. Finally that little voice I have
learned to listen to over the years began to yell inside of my head.
“Dumb Ass! If Bruce Campbell wants to chat with you while
you guys are peeing, you do so!!!”
I relaxed and answered,” I do a few but rarely anyone big
because I work in one of the smaller stores located out of the Atlanta perimeter.”
W chatted as things wrapped up and we began to wash
hands. My head was scrolling with questions to ask. My brain searched for that
just right thing to ask. I wanted to say something about all his work with Sam
Raimi but knew Campbell had heard it a million times. Finally, it hit me.
“Got a crazy question for you, Bruce.”
“Hit me.”
“Okay, you are fantastic with your fans and quite frankly,
much nicer than several authors I’ve met but I got to ask, how does it feel
when you meet a fan who has Ash tattooed on their body? I mean you have become a permanent fixture of
that person.”
Campbell began drying his hands and pondering.
He smiled and answered, “Honest answer? It
scares the hell out of me.”
We
both laughed for a second and he went on,” Sam and I did some crazy movies that
we both love dearly and it thrills me to see others share in our love. Yet it’s
just wild to me that someone would want to put my mug on their arm or elsewhere
for good. Don’t think I don’t appreciate it but it’s a bit unnerving at times.”
We
began the trek back to signing table. As we walked out the restroom door,
Campbell slapped me on the back and said,” That’s a great question.”
The
next couple of hours were a blur with more of the previous. Me saying no to a
fan while Campbell played up to his fans. It was impressive. I began to realize
this guy may never hit Tom Cruise status but he was quite comfortable in this
element. Bruce Campbell meet with folks from all walks of life to the little kids
with his dad who just watched Army of Darkness to the stereotypical overweight guy
who fashioned a homemade chainsaw to wear over his hand. Campbell signed
everything from DVDs, posters to a few arms that were headed to the tattoo
parlor to be permanently inked. Campbell looked at me on those and we both
smiled at our private joke.
 |
| It looks like GAULS but Bruce really signed ELVIS |
Bruce
was kind enough to sign my 50,000,000 Elvis fans action figure and chuckled as
he did right before the signing ended and his screening began. He invited all
of the volunteers to watch for free and I wanted to but unfortunately, it was
already approaching 9pm and I had school the next day. Sandy stayed and said it
was awesome especially when Bruce did a Q&A with the crowd afterward.
I
did hate that I missed that as well as a free movie with the
writer/director/star but I had learned early on how it never pays to go into school.
In retrospect, I’m glad it went this way. I had several opportunities afforded
to me that day. I spent several hours working alongside with Bruce Campbell,
got something signed and even a picture together. I am guessing there are
several people who can say but not everyone has the distinction of claiming
they got to pee with Bruce Campbell.
 |
| Lousy shot of me. Awesome Star to work with |
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