Magic and Surprises

Dear Dad,

            People always say how their wedding day is a blur and when it’s over just how exhausted they are. I gotta tell you that last Saturday did not feel like this for me. If anything, I was terrified that I was going to wake up and this whole relationship with Kim would be like a Dallas cliffhanger. Everything just flowed like a river as the wedding fell into place. It was a perfect day.

            Mary and I got there right around 8am to set up the tables and chairs. My friend Shawn from school also showed up and saved the day with the use of his mini-van. Dave Westbrook was there to play his guitar and recorder with Kim’s brothers. As Mary and I hastily sat out chairs in a chair straight line, I began to notice the sunlight weaving through the branches of the live oaks. It was at that moment when I realized, we have ourselves a perfect Savannah wedding. 

            Guests arrived, cigars were smoked, and mimosas were passed out. Between the many circles of friends who showed up, I am wondering if any of the passing tourists thought us to be respectable Savannah society.

            Jude arrived with Kim’s brothers and he was my best man. We had a quiet moment where I gave him my groom’s gift. I gave Jude my pocket watch. He was impressed and spent the rest of the morning giving out announcements on the time. I promised that if he took care of this one, he’d get Pop’s IBEW retirement watch.

            I wish you had met Jude and his sister, Roni; you would be as wrapped around their fingers as I am. They are amazing kids with so much love to share. I am just as blessed to have them as Kim.

            I got some pictures of Mom, Mary, and Christine with the kids. They turned out well. I was glad that I got a second chance to share something like this with Mom especially with her getting edged out the last time. I still have a lot of guilt over that and felt like Saturday gave me a chance to make up for it.

            Mom was so beautiful. She would have taken your breath away. Mom was dressed in a light summer suit of navy. Her toenails had been painted to match with a metallic blue sheen. It was adorable and added to Mom’s matronly look. She flitted around meeting and greeting everyone in that way has people loving her the moment Mom leaves them.

            Man, I wish you could have seen Mary. She really has come into her own over the past few years. She and Christine make a wonderful pair and you’d be so happy to watch the two interact. They complement each other so well and Mary is so happy. She defiantly is your daughter and I know you’d swell with pride if you could see her now. Mary wasn’t my Best Man this time but she was in charge of wrangling Jude. She had her work cut out for her and did great.

The wedding started and I felt like a roll bar had come down on some roller coaster ride. I was at the back next to Christine when I saw her for the first time in her wedding dress. Up till now, my world had been spinning in several directions. The moment Kim entered the park in her wedding dress, it all slowed down and synched up with her.

            Dad, you told me a few times about your wedding day to Mom and how you thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world at that moment. It was a concept I always gave you the benefit of the doubt but it didn’t make sense.  I get it now. I’ve never been speechless until the moment I saw Kim and realized that smile was meant for me. Wow.

            Kim walked up in this short-but-not-too-short-white dress. It was simple yet Kim made it seem elegant. In her hair, she wore a white flower that made her brown and green eyes sparkle. Kim’s smile made everyone take notice. She was stunning.

            I know how you always hated it when I made my constant pop culture references but I have to get here for a moment to explain how the rest of the wedding felt to me.

            In 1991, Steve Martin wrote and starred in a movie called LA Story. It was about the life and observations as a wacky weatherman lives in the early 90s scene in LA and then he falls in love. He falls for Victoria Tennant (who was his wife at the time) and there is this astonishing scene between the two.

In the scene, the two are walking through a flower garden at night. As they explore, Martin and Tennant are transformed into children. They begin to run and play as they come across flowers, birds, and various garden statues.  It is all set to the tune of Enya. It was the 90’s after all.

In that moment, Martin somehow captures that feeling of the magic of falling in love. It is filled with a grasp of the beauty around you as well as the magic of a simple kiss. I have never seen a better cinematic explanation of what love feels like.

My world stopped the moment Kim entered Forsyth Park that Saturday morning. We were lost in a bubble. It’s funny because no matter what I am doing, my mind is always racing. Yet at that moment, my mind was calm. I felt like the afternoon tide before it switches when the creek is calm, like glass. All that existed was Kim, I, and Sharla who was marrying us. I not only heard Sharla’s words but felt them too. It was the single most powerful and also the most perfect moment in my life.

Kim and I wrote our own vows. In my vows, I talked about all the “firsts” I had with her and how they added up to a second chance to the life I always wanted.  Surprise. Surprise when Kim’s vows mirrored my own. She also talked about second chances. Kim also had a series of promises about items in our lives that we both value. Kim promised to always support my “brilliant ideas” (Her words, not mine) She talked about birthdays, holidays, books and songs yet to come. She promised to always be my partner in crime. Kim wrapped up her vows with a phrase that would sum up all of this to me. Kim promised me a life full of “magic and surprises.”

I already knew this many times over yet somehow I just can’t get tired of being in love with someone who gets “it” about me. You’d love her. It’s a few days later and I am still amazed at how those three little words can sum it all up with my life with Kim and the kids. Magic and surprises.

Sharla pronounced us husband and wife so the kiss was one. The world disappeared again as our lips touched. All I wanted to do was to feel Kim’s lips on my own. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Peter Falk talking those other five perfect kisses.

Dad, I know I would have never met Kim if I wasn’t ready to love and forgive myself. Around the time Kim, Roni, and the Judester came into my life, I had gotten my shit together and was living it like I should have been all along. I was finally at peace enough with myself to allow someone inside the fortress around my heart. (Sorry, Sting but it’s an apt description) I ended up letting three people in and though I am not very religious, I can recognize when a guardian angel has been at work in my life.

My life with Roni, Jude and Kim has changed me. For the first time in my life, my brain doesn’t whirl or spin like it used to I am at peace and content in the life worth living. For the first time in my life I feel like I have the chance to become the man you raised to be.

As I write this letter which you never get to physically read, I realize I do for two reasons:  I wanted to share my story about the dream wedding I had here in Savannah, GA to the girl who makes my toes curl. And I wanted to share it with you because I miss you so damn much and wish I could share all of this magic and surprises with you.

That is it, you know. Since you’ve been gone most of the magic and surprises in my world has been gone. You always did all that for Mom, Mary, and me just Pop did the same for you and Grandma. Pop had Grandma while Mom had you as the love of y’all’s life. Now I have Kim. And the kids. Magic and surprises.

I keep hitting the same notes about how I wish you had been there. But as I proof and retype sections, it hit me. The breeze, the rays of sunlight through the trees, the rerouting of the impending hurricane on the way. You really were there. Everyone always says things like, “Oh he is with you in spirit” and crap like that but you really were there, weren’t you, Old Man?

Thanks. Thank you for giving me the perfect day to make Kim my wife along with Roni and Jude as my children. You sly dog

Retracing My Steps......

            As the big day approaches, we’re into single digits now. It brings me back to habit that I have in regards to figuring out just when my moment changed to put me into the spot where I am at right now.  

            I suppose you could start back in February 2011 when I came across this photo on E-harmony. The minute I saw that smile, I was lost. I distinctly remembering left-clicking the mouse only to think to myself,” She’s out of my league but it let’s give it a shot.” By some miracle, Kim responded and here we are. In two days, we about to become husband and wife.

Isn;t she adorable?

            But, in retrospect, it actually goes back farther than this.

            This is my roommate, Dan. He just moved out and even though I am so excited about my new life with Kim and the kids, I am a little sad to see Dan go. He was the best roommate I’ve ever had and I’ve had some great roommates.

Not only is Dan the most charming individual, I have ever met; he is also one of the kindest. In our three years living as roommates, Dan was an amazing friend.   A few months prior to meeting Kim, Dan set me straight.

            I had dated a few times but without much luck so I just gave up. I was pretty much content with just trying to get my life back after being sick for so long. Translation: I stuck around my bedroom in pajamas while watching reruns of Scrubs. Dan came up to me one evening and talked with me about my current state.

            When you are sick for a long time, it’s easy to get content with just laying around the house all the time and not keeping your social life in motion. Dan pointed out just how well I was doing and it was time to get back into the real world. Basically, I was hiding from the real world. I was.

The effects of kidney disease had made me drop about 6o pounds but that was the only positive after-effect. People used to joke how I walked just like the Big Guy with big meandering strides. That had been replaced by a slow, shuffling limp. My energy levels were also pretty low and the combination forced me to be embarrassed in front of the ladies. Between Dan pushing me and a few others making jokes about my constant wearing of sweats plus an addiction to Tosh 2.0, I realized a change was needed.

            My first few years here, I was always on the move. Between Master’s work and ghost touring, downtown was my place. Yet, here I was sitting on my bed and I couldn’t remember a single name of all the people I used to run around with. I also couldn’t remember the last time I went out on a date.

            Meeting people has never been an issue for me but dating had become a more difficult subject to broach. I had run into the 40s Single Wall, I had heard spoken of in hushed whispers. I had several friends that knew many ladies but...say it with me, folks. Everyone was married or in a relationship or gay.

            I had tried some of those free online dating sites. Well, you get what you pay for. No luck there though I did make a really good friend out of it.

            Part of my problem was the romantic in me kept waiting for someone to drop in my lap and it wasn’t happening. Dan had suggested during our talk to try a paid dating site and I was hesitant.

            A few years before I was married to Satan’s step-daughter, I had tried Match.com with some glorious mistakes. After meeting the coked out, bi-sexual, hair metal keyboardist, I was paired with a dwarf. Yes, I said dwarf.

            We met at a coffee shop somewhere in downtown Atlanta. It was the worst date of my life. Oddly, it had nothing to do with size or appearance. She just was a mean, chain-smoking dwarf. At one point, I even tried to talk about our pets because everyone loves chatting about their dogs, right? Nope. My attempts to foster conversation were met with another lit cigarette under some low muttering about her”goddamned dog.” To say that I was not solid on the idea on online dating would be an understatement.

So I began to consider online dating again (but not Match.com under any certain terms). Then I remembered my old buddy from YHC, Stuart Ivie. Stu is a neat guy and great friend. He went to Young Harris right after me and was very involved in Quantrek and the honor society that the Big Guy was advisor to. Stu had also lost his dad early on so he understood what our family was going through and was right there beside us.

Stuart Ivie, the Original Dirty Jobs Guy

Stuart had also seemed to hit that Single’s Wall I speak of shortly after my divorce. I remembered how Stuart had talked about using E-Harmony for an online dating resource. He was very pleased with it and even found his soon-to-be-wife. Tiffany is great and I can see how the two make a great team. As I type this, I am happy to share that not only they are married but they have a lovely son, John.

It’s funny because looking back; I had no plans on trying to settle down. My plan was got out with several people and get used to the idea of dating again. I figured a few years into this I might find a not crazy girl to date monogamously. Funny how life happens. I met a few very nice people but then I saw Kim's picture and I was done for.  Here I am about to head down the aisle, not just as a groom but also a father. Didn’t see it coming but I love every moment of it.

But where Saturday began goes back even farther. Our upcoming wedding goes back farther the Dan pushing me and Stuart meeting Tiffany. I now realize it goes back to my parents.

Halloween 1987: GI Joe take Punk Rock Jan to Lunch at YHC Dining Hall

No matter how great my sister and I remember Bob and Jan together, I realize it was not a perfect relationship yet I learned so much from both of them. They went through a lot and were able to keep it all together. Mom and Dad always displayed genuine love between them. . I know that I would be in another bad relationship or stuck in my previous one had it not been for the Big Guy and Mom to show me how a relationship is not just about love but also friendship.

As Mary and I grew up in that house that is now a parking lot next to the Young Harris Dining hall, we unconsciously watched our parent interact on a daily basis. How my father could turn from serious to silly in under three seconds at the dinner table has popped up more times that it should at a certain Ms. Wade’s House in Richmond Hill. Over breakfast, my parents could sit at the kitchen table to plan out their weekly work and social obligations/responsibilities with the same precision Hannibal stormed the Alps. They were in-synch with each other.

It was late summer of 1989, Mom, Dad, and I went to Sapelo Island to scout it out as a possible Quantrek destination. They were ahead of me as we walked off the ferry. To this day, I clearly visualize watching them stroll hand-in-hand off the dock only to slide up next to each. At that point, Mom and Dad walked arms around each other with their hands in the other’s back pockets. I t may have been the sweetest thing I have ever seen. I remember saying to myself, “I want that.”

And thanks to listening to the people who are in my life, I got it.

Come out to Forsyth Park at 10 am on Saturday to see for yourself. I’ll be the one with big grin next to the really beautiful girl by the fountain.

Kellogg's Variety Packs, Politics, and a Early Wedding Gift

I always talk about how my favorite childhood memories of Savannah entail walking down to get the paper with my Pop as he’d tell me stories about his childhood growing up in turn-of-the-twentieth-century-Savannah. But I’ve never gone into what would happen next. As I go through my internal dialogue, it seems the appropriate way to go about setting up today’s blog and will probably explain much to my beautiful fiancée’.

            Pop and I would fetch the paper then return to the house where he’d brew coffee to make any barista at Starbucks feel inadequate. He had this old metal thing that was tall with a long spout like a tea pot. The coffee pot made these loud gurbling sounds that I loved to listen to. It reminded me the baby stegosaurus, Glump, on one of my favorite cartoon at the time, Valley of the Dinosaurs.

            When the coffee was finished percolating, Pop would pour us both cups but added lots of cream into mine. I’d grab the milk and a bowl while Pop got the Kellogg’s Cereal Variety Pack. Grandma always got the ten-count for me because that one had Frosted Flakes and Apple Jacks. It was child nirvana.

I still buy these on occasion.

            I always faked having a hard time opening those little cereal boxes. Pop would lend me his little pocket knife with worn pearl-like handle. Nothing is cooler to a seven-year-old than having an actual reason to use a pocket knife. I’d slice into the cardboard and pour two boxes into my bowl. (As I write this, I remembered I have that knife and guess I should talk to Kim about handing it down to one of the kids)

            We’d sit at the kitchen table and drink our coffees, I’d read what Pop always called, in that old Savannah accent, “the funnah papers” while he read the paper front to back. We didn’t talk much which is why I think I love slow starts to the morning where I can read and sip my coffee. Pop was not a conversationalist when reading his daily dose of the Savannah Morning News. My favorite part was coming.

            Pop became his own political analyst when hitting the Opinion page.

“Goddamn Republicans, ruining our country.” The grumbling had begun. I’d brace myself for the onslaught.

“They are taking money out of my pocket!” Pop would roar. I knew what was coming next. Usually a slur on some Republican in office, state or local would do.

“Damn Rousakis. Mealy mouth Greek!” (For years I had no idea what this meant until Mom explained how Rousakis was the Republican Mayor of Savanna and thus my Grandfather's mortal enemy) At this point, Pop would overhear my giggling and knew that small ears might repeat these bold statements with a strong probability, in front of Grandma. Pop moved on to Sports and we’d talk about a safer subject like the Braves.

I went through all this to explain how I have become much like my Pop. The Savannah Morning News sends free copies to our high school every day. Part of my morning routine is reading the paper, front to back, during slow moments in class.

At first, it was just Accent so I could read what passes for the Funnah papers these days followed by the crossword. They say you become your family so it was my destiny to repeat my grand pop. I am also addicted to the Opinion page now. I have to read the political cartoons, Letters to the Editor, and any nuggets about education. I find myself getting whipped up in frenzy when I read what stupid ideas the government, Board, or elected officials are trying to pass of as representing the people. I catch myself, shake my head, and then laugh at myself. It could be worse.

This is Mark Streeter, Savannah's resident Political cartoonist. He is awesome.

While I am not the yellow dog Democrat my Pop was, I do get increasingly frustrated with how the government runs as compared to how it was set up by the framers of the Constitution. Don’t misinterpret. I love my country yet I am frustrated with how the government interferes in aspects of daily life where they have no business except to tax.

Kim and I decided to have a wedding. So obviously we have to pick somewhere. Now I am guessing that it’s common knowledge how any church will collapse upon my entry so scratch that option.  Besides, we are two unique and interesting people. We need a venue that reflects our character.

Many people suggested Tybee Island without realizing my history with Satan’s Step-daughter, B.K. (Before Kim). Frankly, I feel it is bad luck to get re-married at a previous spot. On top of all that, the fiasco at the beach taught me a valuable lesson regarding outdoor weddings. The beach is not only very windy in Savannah during springtime. It’s not very understanding of the “Big Day.” It was like a sandstorm on Tattooine (Only Star Wars purist will get that joke).

Forsyth Park came up very early on. Kim and I loved the idea because this place is the perfect backdrop to hold our small wedding. Kim looked into it. Apparently, we have to have a permit even though it’s a public place. Ok, Tybee charged the fee too. It came out to be about 50 bucks. Very reasonable.

The permit fee was ridiculous. Well into three digits. I was raised in believing how it’s tacky to discuss money matters in public so I’ll leave it at that. I will point out how the City of Savannah wanted to charge a rental fee on top of another fee because it was a holiday weekend. This is followed by a security deposit and I also have to rent a police officer. Now, if this was back in days of living in Atlanta, I could see the need for an officer due to some of our wedding antics that have occurred historically. We are all in our late 30s/40s and go to bed around 10 or 11 these days. Security? You have got to be kidding. On top of all that, my “Pop” moment hit me when I realized how Forsyth Park is supposed to be free and open to the public to come and go as they please.

My buddy and U.S. History co-teacher, Steve Freenor went through the same thing when he got hitched to his lovely bride, Shelley. Steve suggested just taking over a square and have the ceremony. No fuss, no muss. Kim was fine with this so we began to look at different squares.

Initially we picked Warren Square. Warren was part of my old ghost tour route so I know it well. It’s always been a favorite of mine with its low hanging Live Oaks filled with Spanish moss. Smaller old house are crammed around it so it’s not as big of a tourist draw but reflects why I love this city so. I showed Kim some pictures and she agreed.  

My roommate and unofficial wedding advisor came up to me a few days ago with bad news. Dan had been out with some of his buddies over at Bar Food on Habersham. Dan shared my wedding ideas with his friends. They, in turn, reported how the local residents of that square can be down-right bastards in reporting anyone assembling there to the police.

Younger Robby would have welcomed that moment to point out the social injustices/violations of the Freedom of Assembly. Older Robby recognized how he wants to give Kim a perfect day so the chance to fight the power might not go as the perfect wedding present. I called the city and faxed in the application.

I spoke to a wonderful lady at the City Hall who was quite helpful. During our chat, I made the command decision to check on the availability of Forsyth Park.  If I am going to do this, I am doing it right.

Sherman gave Lincoln the city of Savannah as a Christmas present during his siege back in the Civil War. I am following suit. I am formally announcing on Saturday May 26^th, from the hours of 8am to 11am I present to Kim Wade, her early wedding gift of the Forsyth Park Fountain. Opps, I mean Kim’s Fountain, which will be located at spacious Richardson Park. Come and join us. I am setting up stakes right at 7:59am. Enjoy Starbucks Coffee and pastries over the Roni and Jude’ Café while we enjoy our park and await the arrival of the most beautiful bride in the world to accept her gift and grant me her hand in marriage.   

Bring your own chair and get there early. Rumors are flying around on Facebook about giant cherubs and a flash mob forming to Pat Benatar’s, “Love is a Battlefield.”

I love you, Texas. Until the End of the World…….

In Which We Learn There is a Bigger Picture To This Wedding

            My first go round with marriage was a disaster from the get go. It might come as a surprise but when one marries the step daughter of Satan, it’s not a smooth ride. Due to those circumstances, I have dodged and parried with Kim to avoid having a wedding. On top of having some personal family issues that I didn’t want to have to face, eloping seemed the right idea.

Not a far stretch from first go around

            About a week ago, Kim decided she wanted a wedding. I surprised myself by not even hesitating a bit when I responded, “Sounds good.”  It was what she wanted and besides we’d be able to include the kids thus making this about the four of us. It felt right. It is going to open some items I preferred to ignore, but having a wedding will be the first official act bringing the Richardsons, Yanceys, and Wades together.

            From the day one, Jude has been informing me he should be the best man. Barely an hour after I’d proposed to Kim, way back on December 23^rd, I was alone with Jude on a bench outside halfway to Ruby Tuesdays where everyone was waiting on us. We were thumbing through the Bass Pro Shop pictures taken of the proposal.

            Jude was curled up next to me while viewing the pictures. :”So you are marrying my mom?”

“Looks that way. You OK with that?”  I felt a little head nod against my shoulder.

“Who’s going to be your best man?” asked Jude.

“I responded,” Don’t know yet, Little Man. I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“I think I should be your Best man.” Jude said very seriously.

“Yeah?  Why is that? Do you have any qualifications for the job? I asked.

Jude’s response sat with me for days. He was so serious about it. “No, I am just the best man. “  We left it there. But all along he kept bringing up how great of a best man Jude would be.

Since this conversation back at Christmas, Kim and I have asked Roni and Jude to stand up with us and be our Maid of Honor and Best Man. Jude’s first question involved the possibility of him wearing his Han Solo outfit as we get married. I was trying to find the words to let Jude down softly when I heard, “Why not?” from Kim.

She really is the perfect woman for me. What other woman would be willing to share her special day with her son by wearing a 70s era sci fi costume? Yeah, I couldn’t figure out one either but I love it.

Ladies & Gents, meet the Groom and his Best Man

Kim called me last week. She had taken the kids to Dairy Queen before going to their weekly church thing they do. Jude and Roni were quite animated as they talked about the upcoming wedding. Kim decided to tell them how it’s the Maid’s and Best man’s responsibility to give a toast at the reception. Jude never missed a beat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Mr. Robby Richardson today for logging onto E-Harmony and meeting my Mom. If he had not done that we would not be here today.” The kid has a knack for words. I wish I could say he gets that from me.

Roni followed Jude’s cue with, “I’d also like to thank E-Harmony because if they weren’t around Robby and my Mom wouldn’t have met and we wouldn’t be as happy as we are now. “

I’ve been to many wedding and even gave a few toasts. Some I thought were pretty good but there is no way I can top that. I’m not surprised though. These kids are pretty sharp and they hit the nail on the head. We are all happy.

Looking back, I realized that my heart was in the heart place about eloping because I didn’t want outside factors to stress Kim and myself. My last go around was a nightmare and our “dream” wedding became a dramatic production on epic proportions. I was foolishly worried about that happening again but I know that Kim would never take advantage of me wanting to give her a special day and me getting to share in that.

This is what happens when a 7&11 year old plan your wedding

Kim and I are very affectionate but not in any sort of creepy way. It’s mostly playful. I have no problems walking into the kitchen and grabbing her just kiss or hug her. Sometimes we get the “Ohh gross!” from the kids but I’ve noticed more and more that it’s quiet. Rather than getting hassled, I see two approving faces with big grins. They like seeing their momma happy. Who can argue? I feel the same.

 They have the same look on their faces that I can remember having with my sister when we saw the Big Guy and Mom together. So many of our friends were going through their parents’ divorces that it was reassuring to see that our parents were still in love.

            I was also wrong in thinking it was just about Kim and me. I have two other little factors to consider. Roni and Jude have just as much to gain or lose in this venture as Kim and I do. I was wrong to not allow any of the focus to fall on them and give them their chance to celebrate becoming a family.

So it’s official. On May 26^th, we are going to gather at Forsyth Park and proudly proclaim our love and strong desire to become one big happy family. The plans are going so smoothly that I find myself enjoying it. Rumors have even popped up of a flash mob forming. What makes this go around so much better that it’s not me laughing the hardest about this but my fiancée. One more reason why I know that it's right this time.